Tuesday, 30 September 2014

Da movie!!

Well I am home again after seeing the maze runner!! It was actually really good!! I haven't read the book but apparently it is very different but the movie was really good! I am really tired now though.. Being anxious for such a long time will always make you fee tired as you use up all your energy as your body is trying to stay in the 'fight or flight' mode in case of danger, when really nothing bad is going to happen, honestly you will be fine. But I had fun anyways, as always it is fine when I get there, always is.
Now time to be completely antisocial and lock myself in my room for the rest of the holidays and sleep!! Haha I need a break from being with people, wow that sounds bad but being in busy places with lots of people or people I don't know is one of my triggers of anxiety so I need a break. And I will be seeing lots of people in the second week up in Blenheim at Rs tournament anyway, and I will be going to ballet with my friend on mon,tues and maybe wed just to go through our work and improve just that little bit more for our exams in three weeks!! Ahhh so I will be seeing lots of people so I have three days to be alone!! And I am going to use them!!
Have any of you seen the maze runner? Did you like it?
I hope you have had a lovely day wether it was at school, or in a hospital(it will get better!!xoxox) or at work on on holidays! Whatever it was I hope it was enjoyable!! :)
Have a nice rest f the afternoon!! :)

Good morning all!, :)

Good morning!!! I hope your day has started well!! :)
I am totally running on adrenaline right now!! I a, freaking out sooo much!! Even though I don't have to leave fr another hour.
My throat is still killing me and combined with mr anxiety the Onlything I have managed to eat (well drink) is a fortisip and a big cup f tea... Not good I know. I feel really bad about it, but at the same time I am too scared to eat something I case it comes up again because that's what happens when I get like this. Soo nervous. I know it is just with my friends and my brother but still.. There are lots of people at the mall and lots of things that can go wrong... But know they are just thoughts and not going to happen but I am still learning how to ignore them and it is hard.
Haha I know this sounds stupid as I bus every morning and home from school but I am kinds scared about the bussing part... I mean I haven't caught this bus before, and what if it is the wrong one?? We could end up on the other side of town!! Or even worse, what if the evil bus driver drives this bus!?! Haha now I am being paranoid!! Just smile and stay calm!!

But this morning after i got up I painted my nails for when I go out. They are now painted like tiny little owls and the are soooo cute! O.O haha if your on pottermore you will no what O.O means!!
(it is just the symbol for an owl and good luck!! And if you do something good or nice people will comment with O.O its got lots of meanings i guess...) Harry potter is my life!!  I love owls!! (and cats!)  and I am really happy on how they turned out!! I think my friends will be quite surprised though as to them I'm pretty much a Tom boy... But inside I am still a pink loving girly girl!! Only because I love climbing anything and bugs are super cool!! (haha they haven't seen me in front of a spider yet!!) one of my friends is terrified of ants!! And another of butterflys and bees!! Haha I think they are just cute and pick them up which is kinda why they have started to call me a Tom boy... And I hate dresses, Ahhh no. But I don't think I am but to them if they compare me to themselves well then I guess... Haha soo off topic now!! :)

And now there is only 30min before I have to leave... Ahhh!!

I hope your day goes well!!! Xoxo :)!!


Well so my visit to my GP went okay... I managed to weight .6 kg from my minim goal weight, so I am happy with that!! :) smiles!! And for my cramps I got given a new pill so I only get my period four times a year, yay!! And I have an infection throat... Great :( ahhhh it hurts soo bad!! And I have a headache and feel all dizzy, and I still feel like being sick everytime I put food in my mouth... Hmmm is t my throat or my anorexic mind doing this...I hope my throat! I want to be healthy!! :)
I am really worried about going out tomorrow with my friends, I was already nervous about going out and now that my throat is dead and I feel sick I am getting all anxious about already even though I shouldn't, I should be able to control my GAD by now but it is still really hard. And it will always be hard. So I am kinda freaken out right now!! Bt I am sure I'll be fine...  I hope...

I hope you had a amazing day!!
Lots of love!! Xoxo :)

Monday, 29 September 2014

10 minutes!!!

Ahhhh there is 10 min before we leave to my GP!! I am soo nervous! Why me!! Honestly I know I have gone down in weight not up but hopefully if I where big shoes, because only sometimes she asks you to take them off i will be fine!! Fingers crossed. But either way I am going to be told off and made to drink fortisips again. Can I just put on 4.5kg in ten minutes!! Please!!
Haha and my throat is so sore and I can barely talk!! I sound soo stupid!!
And blood test, blood test, blood test!! F*ck!!! I already feel sick, and I am not even there yet!! :( :(
Wish me luck.... :( :( :(

Sunday, 28 September 2014


I hope you guys are all well!! :)
Ugghh I just feel terrible I have a really bad headache and my throat is so sore that everytime I try to eat it hurts so badly that I just feel lie throwing up and I have eaten like nothing today and my mum is getting angry with me because I am not eating and I am soo scared she will call the hospital again,  don't want to go back!! Help!! And all mixed in as well I got my period today and it always gives me really bad cramps and nausea, so I feel like crap. I wishi was like most of the population who's periods don't even hurt them one bit, but nope I am the one who ends up gettin no sleep at all and crying curled up in bed. I thought the pill was meant to help!! But it hasn't made a difference!  I feel so stupid being on the pill, what of my friends found out? What would they think, that I'm trying to stop myself getting pregnant!! There is no way I am having sex anytime soon!  Haven't even had my first boyfriend! Not even a silly, kinda fake one!
And I have my check up with my GP for my weight tomorrow too and I am so anxious, seriously, I know I have gone done in weight this week as the last week of school was very stressful and when I am stressed I get anxious and when I am anxious I don't eat at school.. Plus eating little to nothing today as I feel crap, I weighed myself just now and it said 45.5... That is sooo bad!! And with my clothes on too!! I am going to get told off sooo badly tomorrow!! :( I wen from .5kg off my goals ego to 4.5 since my last visit :( what should I do???! Help!!
And also tomorrow I am going to have to have that blood test I was meant to have last week! (how did I get out of it? Thankfully the bus was reaallyy late so by the time we got there the clinic was closed ;) ) but I am not getting out of it tomorrow and I am so anxious!! I feel sick and I am shaking! Help... My number one fear apart from losing my family is blood. It makes me sick. We were watching a video about what happened in a heart attack in science, even though the blood cells were annaimated I got so anxious and felt ill I was sent home from school... Haha... And last three times I have had a blood test I fainted and threw up so I am fricken nervous!! Help!! Please...
Ahhh I am so anxious help!! Please!! :(

I hope your day went well, or at least better than mine!!

And now I only have dinner to get through, wish me luck! :(

Good morning guys...

Well I hope you morning is good, mine is pretty terrible at the moment. I have been awake pretty much all night because I have a sore throat, headache and stomach cramps all because of my fricken period!! Why do we even have to have periods they ae horrible and cause so much pain! I am I tears and curled up in a ball, and I just want it to go away!! Please!! And I have to go out walking with with grans walking group because I said I would and they are all lovely people! But it hurts soo much!! Have to go now bye!

Saturday, 27 September 2014

Haha I'm sorry but this is just too funny!!

Haha I'm sorry R!! But I have to share this because it is just waayyy to funny!!
Okay so R decided he was going to cook dinner for everyone tonight and make kofters (haha balls of meat, kind of excatly like meatballs but apparently they are called kofters so I won't say anything...) and he was having difficultly chopping the 'mint' and asked me to help so I went over and asked him where he got the mint from and he said the garden, I then smelt it and it so wasn't mint but he insisted it was and it was the wrong colour too, so he took me out into the garden to the 'mint' and it turned out he had sat there for about 20minutes trying to cut up this weed!! Haha we would of had lamb and weed balls!! :) :) :)
My parents were out and he begged me not to tell them but when they came in from the walk I was laughing so much I was crying so I had to tell them!! Ohhh it was just soo funny!!
Sorry R!! I still love you!! :)
Haha thank you for making my day R!!! It was great!! :)

What made your day today??! Hopefully something great!! Xoxo :)

After futsul...

Haha nothing really exciting happened, we went out and bad burgers for tea ;) and then we went back to the gym/stadium thing to watch the NZ futsul team play some guys from the brazil team!! That was really cool, and free!! They were soo good and played really well and kicked the ball really hard!! We were sitting on the seats just above the ground in the corner so lots of balled got kicked really hard at us!! I was sooo scared the whole time! Flinching every time the ball came close!! It came flying directly at us twice, the first I ducked and my dad caught it the second time I ducked again but it was coming strait for me, thankfully my dad dived over me and hit it out of the way!! Thank you Daddy!! :)!! If it had hit me n the face in probably would if broke my nose and given me two black eyes!! Or if it hit my arm I would not be surprised if it broke it... So scary!! Sadly NZ lost the game 7-4, we were winning in the first half but lost it in the second, the did this weird and kind of stupid thing where they subbed off the goaly so the had five attackers and that's when brazil scored two more goals... Why I have no idea...
Oh and my brothers tournament, the boys won it, again!! It was a school team and out of the six of them there five of them were city reps so they were already really good, no suprise there, I think most of the other teams had maybe one rep or none, so they did have a advantage, just Rs school is lucky to have quite a few reps in it!
Hmmm does anyone have any ideas for my breakfast tomorrow? Any at all?? I am finding my normal breakfast is getting old (porridge or, my cereal or crêpes  so one of those and I still have to have a fortisip too) so any new ideas?? Gluten free toast is pretty gross and I am jot such a fan of hot breakfasts but I eat anything really so anything new that is nice?? What do you have??

So have a nice sleep!! Good night! :( its daylight saving tomorrow/tonight so I have to lose one hour of sleep!! Not fun!!
Anyway, remember you are beautiful and pretty and amazing!! So stay strong!! Xoxoxo :)

Friday, 26 September 2014

My new gear!! And chch pics

Haha got to have photos!! This are the new clothes i bought for tennis last night, and some others you might like!!

 Loving my body!!! :)
 Right, this is Sumner, Just out of Chch, it is so beautiful!!

 Haha, common site in Chch, road cones :P And of course piles of rubble and damaged buildings everywhere but hey that's what an earthquake does!! Luckly we havent had a big one in aboput a year now so thats good!! Hopefully there are no more to come!!!

And my SoYo!!

Good afternoon!!

I hope you had a good morning!!

Haha mine was pretty busy!! We drove out to sumner which is just out of chch for Rs football training we were only out there for about 30min before we had to drive back all the way into town for my tennis!! Which was really fun!! And after tennis it was time for lunch and now we are about to go out for Rs futsul tournament!! Haha lucky it is just a one day thing!! But because it doesn't finish until 6 we are going to stop and get burgers on the way home!!(from the free range place!) yay!!
I was going to make some merangues for desert but I won't have time so maybe tomorrow!!
And I also organized to go out to the movies with my friends on Wednesday so that will be fun!! We are going to see the maze runner!
It will be good and we can buy tonnes of junk food ;) haha!! One thing that keeps triggering me at the moment is that one of my friends as decided to go sugar free for two months! Like we will offer her a chip or even dried banana or at the class pizza lunch and she just won't eat it, and it almost makes me feel guilty for eating things with sugar in them all over again, and. Am NOT falling back into that hole!! So when we get the food she won't get anything and just eat an apple instead... (haha not going to do that!! It's not healthy!!) she won't even try this amazing drink we recently found its called bubble tea, except the bubbles and kinda slimy so we just have bubble tea without bubbles!! Haha the people always think we ae weird!! So it s going to be hard for me bt I think I can cope, even if she refuses to eat it... I still will!! :)....
But I think the day will be fun hopefully... Haha I always get anxious going out without my parents, I don't know why it just gets triggered. Oh and I just had a thought my friend M has never had SoYo (self serve frozen yogurt) so we were all going to take her and S won't eat it!! Umm it is going to be harder for me to cope than I thought, but I will be okay I hope! (haha you can so tell when I am anxious about something, I find i keep going on about it!! :) sorry!)

Well I have to go out again now to futsul so I hope the rest of your day goes well!! Good luck you can do it I believe in you!! :) :) xoxo Stay strong!

Holidays!! :)

Yayyy the holidays are finally here!! No more school for two weeks!! Yayyyy!!

Today was okay.. My GP rang up and asked for me to come n and have a blood test... Hmmm have you seen me with needles it usually ends up with me fainting or throwing up so ummm can you tell how bad my anxiety was before school??! So I went off to school feeling sick and dizzy and then m stomach started cramping with my anxiety and I felt terrible and by second period I had the worst headache and just felt so sick and nauseous it was hard to concentrate!! But hey I survived all t get home and my mum decided that we wouldn't do it today!! So thanks I feel all crapy for nothing!!
I got my French results back today and I got excellence for the reading and listening and merit (so close 2 marks off!) for writing! So I still think that's pretty good!!
And next period I got my science result back and I got excellence with full marks!!! :) :)  yay! So now so far on my report it is all excellences and three out of those with full marks!! Yay happy me! Extension science next year here we come!!
After we got our results guess what we had to watch in science?! A baby being born... It blurred out that area but everyone was so grossed out at the baby covered in blood and that white/yellow stuff on it!! Haha I am usually so bad with that kind of stuff but hey I was fine because I saw and cuddled  my baby brother when he was first born when I was 12 almost 13 so it really didn't bother me at all! And there reaction to the cord that attaches the baby to the mother!! Haha great!! ;)
After school our bus driver was only 15 minutes late today!! Wow for her that is so early!!
Oh and at lunch I was so proud of myself because part f spring festival, which is held every year they were doing jump jam in the middle of the quad and I joined in with all my friends normally I would just watch  so that's one of my fears down, dancing in public!! Haha it wasn't that bad tonnes of people did it so I could just blend in!! :) but still I am so happy that I actually did it! And with only a small bt f anxiety!! Yay!
Oh and our bus driver was only 15 minutes late so for her that's early!! Maybe she finally listened your complaints!! ;)

After school we went down to the mall for dinner because my dad just got back from a work trip in australia! So that was nice, I had a chicken pad Thai and that was really yummy, or that I could finish it!! And for desert we went down to SoYo, um it's a self serve frozen yogurt place so yummy!!
After that we still had time for some shopping so I ended up buying some new sports gear!! Some legging/skins things and a top, which I can't wait to wear to tennis tomorrow!! Haha one good thing about putting on weight, you can buy new clothes that actually fit and aren't to big!! And I also got some knee pads for volleyball as I think it's time for my knees to stop being grazed all summer!! Haha they were all last year ;)

Anyway it's getting late so I nope you had a great day and sleep well!!
Yay Holidays!! Is it the school holidays where you live too??
All the best xoxo :)

Thursday, 25 September 2014

School Hair styles I like!!

These are what I most commonly and like in/ do to my hair for school (or in general)!! I hope you like!!
 Crown braid, took me ages though so doesn't happen very often!!
What my amazing friend somehow did to my hair...

 A dutch braid I did to myself, it's annoying as i can never get it quite as good again!!
And my hair looks really long!!, when it is out it goes curly and poofy so it looks a LOT shorter!!
 Haha nice and easy (well for me I do it so often!!) Usually what I wear to school each day!!
 Yep with my awesome uniform...
And out, because I am too lazy to do anything!!
( It looks such a nice colour in the sun, cant wait for summer when its like this all the time!!, winter makes it dull.. like the pic above..)
And I also like buns and plaits and braids!!
And because I look terrible in a pony tail!! seriously, not happening!!

Sorry I was bored, weird post I know
(I am not obsessed with my hair,I know this post made it look like it...)
Hopefully you found it kind of interesting...!!

Sorry guys

Sorry I know this is my first post for today... I just feel really sad and depressed at the moment so I am going to try really hard to make this positive!!

Well my bus driver was 40mins late again!!! I love how my friend is super confident and a couple of days ago asked why it was late, she relpied it broke down, so today my friend weht up and said hey did the bus break down again!! Haha she said  yea the first one did, so my friend relpied so does the bus break down every day then??! Haha her face, Priceless!!! But my Mum is feed up with it being late (so am I!!) so she is going to write a complaint!! Yay!! So are my four friends that bus and a couple of guys that hang out with us!! So hopefully we can get a new bus driver!! The last one was amazing, and early!!!
We had a suprise math test togay and I failed big time, I only anwsered about 5 out of 25 and I am pretty sure only 1 is right! I sat there trying so hard not to burst into tears the whole lesson, I didnt know how to do any of it and it was sooo hard, well for me... I will get the lowest score in the class ans last time my friend didnt do so well and our teavher yelled at her so much he made her cry, I dont want that to be me but I know it will be...
My grandparents were over when I finally got home again and then they stayed for tea so thats why this post wasnt earlier sorry, So I made dinner for them and my family tonight (even though it was only pizza and veges!!!) It was still yummy!!

 Haha I love how I had to make a special pizza for my brother R!! He is very fussy! 

And my English Teacher suprised us with a pizza luch last period and we watched Thor so that was cool even though my mum had planned for pizza tonight already!! So I only had one piece at school!!

So I hope your day went well!!
Keep going and stay strong!!
Love you!! xoxo :)

Tuesday, 23 September 2014

Right pictures!!

Mwahaha computers free ;) So I can post the pictures now!!

This is the fabric I finally finished printing!!! It took me soo long, and I had to hand cut out the block out of wood!! But I am happy with the result, hopefully my teacher is too!!
Now what to make out of it...

 And the desert I made last night!! It took over 4 hours as I cooked it in a water bath in the slow cooker and then it took ages to cool, But soo worth it!! (you don't want to know how much chocolate, cream and sugar was in it!!!)
 And It turned out to be layered!! Haha wasnt meant to but it looked cool!!

So I hope you enjoy!! And that life is all working out for you!! :)

Smile, it's good for you!!

Good afternoon guys!! :)

I am ssooooo happy!! Haha waiting fr myself to crash! Big news I got in the volleyball team!! :D  haha yayyyy!! I a, so happy and really lucky, i honestly thought I wasn't going to get in! Our team is also going to go to a tournament (south island chch up) so we get to travel!! Not sure how I will cope with being away though... But fingers crossed it hasn't been announced where it is so it might be in chch, so I won't have to travel!! And I got chosen to play in the beach volleyball tournament as well!! :) can't stop smiling!!

What else happened today? Well not much... Just the normal old boring school. One of my friends left at 12 to go to America so that's pretty cool! So jealous! ;) I have been to america once but I was only 4 so I don't remember much though... And otherwise more math homework on stuff I don't understand and that's about it! Not an overly exciting day, but I am still sooo happy!!

I finished printing my massive piece of fabric as well today so I will post a pic when the computer is free, as well as my desert that I mad last night, haha the wait was worth it!

What makes you happy?
Reading, art, dance (if you are allowed), your body??? It could be anything!!

Remember a day without laughter or a smile is a day wasted!!
Smile it's good for you!! Even if it's a fake one keep doing it until its real! Laugh at how stupid you look trying to smile in the mirror!! :)

I hope your day went super well, and everything is  on the right track!! Keep going you are strong!! And smile :)

Good morning!!

Good morning I hope everyone is well!!
If not it will get better I promise! Just stay strong :)

Haha I am sooo tired!! My little brother was up crying all last night!! When do babies learn to sleep through the night!?? Seriously! I haven't slept a whole night since he was born about 1,5 years!

I get to see my friend tonight!! I hope she held together long enough she was so upset on Monday and wanted to end her life, this is my friend who was depressed last year and cut herself a lot so it's hard but I know she is capable of doing it this time. I just don't want to walk in there with her sitting there with a bid fresh cut, or not to be there at all. She means so much to me. She helped me and supported me so much with my anxiety!! And she is my best friend ever!! So I am really worried, she needs t be okay!!

Haha we have got a new bus driver which started the trips from school to home again a couple of weeks ago and she is sooo bad!! Last night my friend and I who get off at the same stop pressed the button and she just waved her hand at us and missed the stop and the next and the next so we were stranded a ten minute walk from the stop we normally get off!! Plus another 10 it normally takes me to walk home from the bus stop! Haha but it's like she relised we wanted to get off but just kept driving!? But a 20min walk I wasn't complaining!
And she is always late last night someone actually stood up to her and said hey what time does this bus normally come? She replied saying twenty to three but the bus broke down. Haha then the girl said so it breaks down everyday then? Haha she went bright red and didn't answer! ;P
And she is starting the morning trips today... Help me!! She horrible!! :)

Anyways have an awesome day/night!!
Good luck with recovery! You can do it!! I believe in you!! :) xoxo

Monday, 22 September 2014

Myths and facts on anorexia

ED's are serious disorders
They are life threatening
But you can recover and you ARE worth it!!
I will always be here for you if you need someone to talk to :) just email :)
I know it is hard, but it is sooo worth it :)
And YOU CAN do it!!

Stay strong :)
And good luck, you can do it, I believe in you!

YOU are worth it.

Recovery is worth it.
YOU are worth it.
YOU are perfect.
YOU are strong.
YOU are beautiful and pretty.
YOU can do it, even though it will be tough.
YOU have so much courage even starting to think about recovering.
YOU have people who love you, even though it may not seem like it.
YOU are amazing.
YOU are the perfect human being.
YOU are unique.
YOU are special.
YOU have a life that IS worth living.
Recovery is worth it. :) xoxoxo!!

Desert time!!

Hey guys!! Today was an awesome day!! I hope it was for you too!!
Well it didn't start off well because I completely forgot about my french test I had today as I was too busy stressing about my science test I had yesterday... oops... But it went okay I think.. It was hard but that's what you expect when you remember the morning of the test and try to study quickly before school.. I mean I know I passed, but it wont be top marks.. But doesn't matter its only one test.
Our teacher still hasn't put up the volleyball teams!!! grrr!! I want to know!!!
Oh and we got our static image results back today as well and I got an E!!! YAY!! and not only that it was the top of class too!! And our teacher only gave out 4 E's in our class as well, most people got A's(achieved,just..)... So an excellence I am really happy about. And it was the first time my teacher EVER complemented my work, and said she was really impressed by it and she showed it at the staff meeting (over 100 teachers, I know our school is huge!) and it is the first piece of student work she is putting on the wall!! Haha super happy!! I didn't even think it was that good but everyone else thought it was so yay!

And I am still worried about my friend... I hope she is okay!!! What could she of done that her parents want to call the police?? She is soo innocent!! She would never do drugs or anything like that, She just wouldn't, and even if it was, doing that wouldn't make all your friends hate you and your boyfriend dump you!! Would it... I am soo worried!!

For afternoon tea I was hungry so I decided to have a can of salmon!! Haha I completely forgot how disgusting it looks!! But it tastes sooo good so I am not complaining.

For desert tonight I deiced to try out this new recipe... Its done in the slow cooker and called chocolate custard jelly. So from how much of the liquid I tasted before I added the eggs it tasted really good!! So hopefully they will be nice!!
 The bad thing is they have to cook for 2 1/2 to 3 1/2 hours!! I am so impatient I cant wait that long!!!
 Oh and meet Tick, he is my little kitchen timer I got last year for Christmas!! He is sooo cute!!

Anyway have a nice afternoon!!

Honestly what do I do??

Sorry for the lack of posts, I have this big thing hanging over me and I don't know what to do! But it's reall worrying me...
I went to ballet early and my friend came in really upset, I gave her a big hug and she just cryed and cried. I didnt wan to ask her what was wrong because she was that upset. One of the other girls asked what was wrong and all she said was she did something really bad and mucked up and all her friends are against her then her parents found out and they want to contact the police... And everyone hates her and she has nothing at all left. Her parents screamed at her yelled at her and really hate her too. I don't know what to do. This was my friend who last year was very depressed and cut herself a lot. And she just got out of it and was happy and enjoying life again and I don't want to lose her again. I can't. She is the one who helped me so much when my anxiety was so bad and had a massive panick attack and stopped breathing, she supported me and helped me love food and helped me when I was depressed. She means soo much to me and for her to start cutting again, it breaks me. I guess I am afraid that she will take her life this time. And if she did well, I couldn't live. She is my best friend. What do I do?? Help.
I got so much anxiety when I saw her that upset. I felt sick and anxiety started to cheap into me again.
She helped me so much she is my hero, now I have to help her. But I don't  know how. I don't care what she has done, I don't. I can't be mad at her. Ever.
Please help...
What do I do?
I am all she has left. And I can't bare her this upset. Help!
And she got her phone taken off her so I can't contact her or see her until next ballet lesson which is on wed  and I'm worried she won't last that long... She lives on the other side of town and goes to school there too so I can't see her. What do I do??

Otherwise school was good! The science test was actually really easy (well for me)  and I think I did well, hopefully! Our volleyball teacher didn't put the teams up yet and M and I didnt want to ask because it would be so awkward if we didnt get in and asked him... Haha hopes up they will be there tomorrow!! :)

I hope your day was amazing!! And everything is all good!! I will always be here for you if you need help!! Always. :) have a good night xoxo!!

Sunday, 21 September 2014

Good night!! xoxo

Good night guys :) xoxo!! I hope your day went great!!

My day wasn't so exciting... Lots of study for my science test tomorrow!!! Ahhh!! I have to get Excellence again!!! Then on my report it will be all E's!! (E's are the top, not bottom in NZ!!) and so far three 100%!!! ahh so I feel lots of pressure to do well again tomorrow!!
Haha fun... Had to write in pink just so I wouldn't lose focus so easily!! Haha my brain works weird!!

Ahhh we find out the volleyball teams tomorrow!! I really really hope I get in!!! I'm not going to be surprised if I don't though... But I do want to get in!!

And now time for bed after my hot chocolate with marshmallows as dad bought a huge bag for the cupcakes when I really only needed a tiny one!!

How I am going to get into bed I'm not sure...
He is stretched right across my bed... And I feel it is too mean to move him and wake him up!!
Haha I'll find a way...

Good night!! xoxo

Hot chocolate cupcakes

Well as I thought I should have a break from studying I made some hot chocolate cupcakes (well attempted anyway...)  

The marshmallows kept floating in the mixture!! Grrr!!

 Which is why they ended up melting on top!!
 Haha now in stead of them having a marshmallow center it now has a crunchy marshmallow top!!!
 And then I filled it was this amazingly awesome hot fudge topping sauce!!! Its sssoooo good, best sauce ever!!! You all need to try it!! I kinda ate half the jar before it got into the cupcakes, it was just to tempting!! 

And apart from the marshmallow disaster it all worked out well and they taste great too!!

I hope the rest of your day goes well!! :)

Saturday, 20 September 2014

Good morning again..

Hello I hope your day yesterday all went well! Sorry I know there was only one post I just had so much studying and homework to do and then my grandparents came around and ended up staying for tea and watches the election which ended at about 12 and I felt I couldn't leave to go on my iPad while they were here or go to bed!! But by about 10:30 I gave up and went strait to sleep!
Tennis was fun, all the normal people were there and this one new boy who was freakishly tall and really good, he smashed my coach and no one could return his hits so that bit wasn't so fun as he just kept winning all the time. Otherwise it was fun to play and see all of my old friends again which I hadn't seen since last year!
This morning if I have time I am going to do some baking for school lunches as well we don't have anything else sweet like biscuits that I can take.
And then later more studying for my test tomorrow and I might go around to the shops and buy some more chocolate for myself ;) because chocolate is amazing!! (don't worry I don't eat the whole block bymyself! I do share it around!)
Anyway I should get up now :( how much I would love to stay in bed!! But I can make potato cakes fr breakfast today as we have left over mash from last night! Yay!
I hope everything is well! Xoxo

Friday, 19 September 2014

Hello all it's Saturday!!

Yay I love the days when I can just sleep in to nine o'clock!! Haha a much better improvement to six which I have to get up at on school days!! And wait for it... It's not raining!! Finally I can actually go to tennis this week!! Haha it's going to be fun especially because my shoulders and legs are still really sore!!
I have to get up now and I have no idea what I should have for breakfast, any ideas?? I would love pancakes but they take a while to cook and we have no maple syrup or cream to go on them so maybe not, and R ate the last of my fav cereal, well actually all the cereal so I don't know?! Anything but a fortisip!!
It is also election day today, it's so unfair because he election is every here years so next election all my friends are old enough to vote expect me and one of my other friends who will have to wait two!! Because M and I are at the younger side of our class/year. Most of my friends are al ready 15 but I don't turn 15 until next year. One of my friends will be 16 when I am still 14!!! Haha maybeim just really smart for my age! ;)

Anyways I hope your day/night/morning/afternoon etc. is really good, make a true effort to recover today it is worth it and you will relise that it is when you get there! But it takes time so don't try and rush it, it's not going to happen over night but ou will get there,  promise!! Xoxo

Thursday, 18 September 2014

So so tired, thank god it's Friday!

Sorry for a late post again, my mum is unwell so I am pretty much running the house as my dad doesn't come back from work until 5. So today my dad came back early and took my brothers and I back to the bank to set up their accounts as they needed birth certifates as they areunder age and that took longer than expected... 2 hours later...
I then came home and cooked the veges for tea, bathed B and then walked 20min to the fih and chip shop and back again as well we didn't have anything sorted for tea so fish and chips with veg was it!! It was nice though!
I did my French reading and listening test today and I think it went okay I found it pretty easy as the first half normally is, we will be doing the scound half (writing) on Tuesday.
We also pair marked our static images and the whole class wrote a comment for them anonymously and attached them to the back but we aren't allowed to read them until next tues-wed!! Ahh I want to know!!
And we find out the volleyball teams on mon!!! Ahhh I hope I got in!! Fingers crossed!!
Tennis tomorrow!! Can't wait! Even though my shoulders and legs still ache so badly!! Haha I will cope! Last week it was cancelled and it is meant to rain again tomorrow so hopefully it holds off to after 11:30!! Becaus I want to play!!

I hope you had a good day! Tomorrow I dare you to try something new!! It doesn't have to be majour just enough for you to face that anxiety and a challenge! You will feel great afterwards! Have a nice evening!! Xoxo :)

Fortisip ideas..

Okay I think we can all agree that fortisips are disgusting right??!! I have done some research and found these recipes, I haven't tried them but look okay, but I personally still think they are impossible to make taste nice!! But worth a try I guess...

Wednesday, 17 September 2014

Good day today!

Good afternoon sorry I know it is a late post  came home and mum took me for a suprise check up for my weight... Lucky I had just had a bid drink of water and was still in my heavy uniform so  I managed a 48!! Haha yay... But without clothing I am usually about 45-45.5 ish and I know that is really bad it is to healthy for me or anyone really! Please don't look at my weight and thin oh I weigh more/ less I must lose x kg etc that is not healthy at all and I know I have to gain a lot more weight as my goal weight is over 50 and that is healthy for me, everyone is different okay?! :)
I finished my wood cut in textiles and started to print it today and we all choose this really cool gold fabric ink and I got it all over my hands just t find out it doesn't come off... So now I have lovely gold hands! Which will last about a week!!
I cannot wait for Monday when we find out the volleyball teams!! Ahh I am so nervous I really want to get in!! Hopefully I do and my friends too!! But I am not going to be supprised if I don't because there were lots of really good players and out of about 40 only 16 get in! Bt hopefully I do.
Tomorrow I have a french test!! Scary!! And we are marking our English things in front of the class tomorrow as well! Hopefully everyone decides on Excellnce again!! And isn't mean about it as we don't know who's is who's!
For dinner tonight my dad is picking up burger from this free range meat place which is nice and the burgers there are sooo good! I am having a chicken salad aoli and tomato relish one which is really nice and their kumara (sweet potato in the US) chips are to die for!! Can't wait oly 45 min to go!!
Oh and my legs are so so sore! Haha and all my classes were upstairs today why!!! They ae dying walking hurts!! Haha oh well PE was torture!! ;) so un fit!!

I hope your day was good and fun and just generally awesome!! And if it wasn't I am so sorry!!
Have a nice night!

What is self harm?

Why do some teens want to hurt themselves?

Many people cut themselves because it gives them a sense of relief. Some people use cutting as a means to cope with a problem. Some teens say that when they hurt themselves, they are trying to stop feeling lonely, angry, or hopeless. Some teens who hurt themselves have low self-esteem, they may feel unloved by their family and friends, and they may have an eating disorder, an alcohol or drug problem, or may have been victims of abuse.

Teens who hurt themselves often keep their feelings “bottled up” inside and have a hard time letting their feelings show. Some teens who hurt themselves say that feeling the pain provides a sense of relief from intense feelings. Cutting can relieve the tension from bottled up sadness or anxiety. Others hurt themselves in order to “feel.” Often people who hold back strong emotions can begin feeling numb, and cutting can be a way to cope with this because it causes them to feel something. Some teens also may hurt themselves because they want to fit in with others who do it.

If you are hurting yourself, PLEASE GET HELP — It is possible to overcome the urge to cut. There are other ways to find relief and cope with your emotions. Please talk to your parents, your doctor, or an adult you trust, like a teacher or religious leader.

Who are the people who hurt themselves? 
People who hurt themselves come from all walks of life, no matter their age, gender, race, or ethnicity. About 1 in 100 people hurts himself or herself on purpose. More females hurt themselves than males. Teens usually hurt themselves by cutting with sharp objects.

What are the signs of self-injury?
These are some signs of self-injury:
Cuts or scars on the arms or legs that you can see
Hiding cuts or scars by wearing long-sleeved shirts or pants, even in hot weather
Making poor excuses about how the injuries happened

Self-injury can be dangerous. Cutting can lead to infections, scars, numbness, and even hospitalization or death. People who share tools to cut themselves are at risk of getting and spreading diseases like HIV and hepatitis. Teens who continue to hurt themselves are less likely to learn how to cope with negative feelings.
Are you or a friend depressed, angry, or having a hard time coping with life?
If you are thinking about hurting yourself, PLEASE ASK FOR HELP! Talk with an adult you trust, like a teacher, minister, or doctor. There is nothing wrong with asking for help. Everyone needs help sometimes. You have a right to be strong, safe, and happy!

Do you have a friend who hurts herself or himself?
Please try to get your friend to talk to a trusted adult. Your friend may need professional counseling and treatment. Help is available. Counselors can teach positive ways to cope with problems without turning to self-injury. If your friend won’t talk to a trusted adult, you should tell an adult you trust about the situation.

Have you been pressured to cut yourself by others who do it?
If so, think about how much you value that friendship or relationship. Do you really want a friend who wants you to hurt yourself, cause you pain and put you in danger? Try to hang out with other friends who don't pressure you in this way.

I admit I have self harmed before, cutting myself, at the time it seemed like a good idea a way to help, and for about those 10 minutes it did, but afterward I just felt worse and now i look back and see those scars on my ankle and ask myself why?? I was stupid and will never do it again. It may seem like it helps but it really doesn't. There are lots of things you can do instead. There are lots more cons to cutting than there are pros.
If you are too embarrassed to ask for help you can always email me, heck I don't even care if you are anomomus!! Really I am here for you any time!! Talking can help, and I am more than happy to help, it doesnt have to be on self harm, I can help with anything! Or I will try my best with more bizzare topics.. but ya!! Im always here!! xoxo :)

Ouch ouch ouch...

Haha everytime I move it hurts sooo much! Especially my thighs and right shoulder because it is m hitting arm!! Hah sp much pain!!
I will get to see my textiles tie dye today! Yay! I want to see if it worked!!
Uuhh I have PE first!! Walking to the bus stop is going to challenging enough yet alone walking up two flights of stairs as except for PE all of my classes are up stairs!! Help?! ;) haha...

I hope you have a good day and don't forget to face that voice inside your head it's not doing you any good to listen to it!! :) :) xoxoxo!!

Moving hurts...

Well I haven't been home until now which it is currently 8:30!! Volleyball trials went pretty good I think, our teacher is going to be away so instead of lots of teams and few competitive teams this year there will only be two competitive teams s that is only 16 spots and there were over 38 of us!! Ahhh I hope I get in a team but  there are lots of really good players so I won't be surprised if I don't get in, I am just worried that all my friends will get in and I wont!!
English was fine not enough people had finished (naughty past due date!! ;) so everyone got another period for it but because I had stressed and did all of it quickly I was well done so my friend and I just went to the library and mucked around (quietly XD)  so no stress today, Friday instead and I have a French test on Friday as well!
I am soooooo tired! I actually cannot move without pain, typing hurts... So much volleyball which I it a hell f a lot of effort into then no going home strait to ballet which finished at 7:30!!  Just had tea which was my first time ever trying tacos! They are really nice! And all of my muscles are dieing and I am soooo tired,haha in bed now!

Good night! :) have a nice rest! I hope our day was lovely! (haha not looking forward to moving tomorrow morning! And PE first...) good night! Xoxox

Tuesday, 16 September 2014

Self confidence help

I know I have low self confidence and it is something I should be trying harder to get rid of, I tend to find myself thinking that my friends actually hate me and just spare sitting with me because they feel sorry for me, i know this isnt true (well i sure hope its not!) and it is hard and I find it is just easier to feel like this, hopefully this post will hel you understand it and help you with low self estem

If you have low self-confidence, you might agree with the following statements:

A surly looking teenage girl.
  • I do not like to try new things.
  • I can’t do anything right.
  • If my friends criticize me, or if my teacher corrects a lot on my homework, I get very upset.
  • I don’t know what I am good at.
  • I have a hard time meeting new people or making friends.
  • I am embarrassed to ask a question or speak up in class.
  • Before I do something, I may think “I can’t do it.”
  • I don’t like to try new things unless someone shows me how to do it first.
  • I don’t like myself.

Boost your self-confidence

Girl with a ponytail and glasses.
  • Think positive thoughts about yourself! Focus on your strengths — not your weaknesses. Realize that you are better at some things than others.
  • Set realistic goals. This means not setting goals too high or too low, but at a level you know you can reach. Then, you can always strive to do better than your goal.
  • Give yourself credit when you reach a goal and praise yourself when you have done well.
  • Learn to be assertive — express your thoughts, opinions, needs, and feelings openly — but without abusing others’ rights.
  • Don’t compare yourself to others. Remember: you’re just fine the way you are!
  • Practice positive body language. Walk tall, don’t slump. When your body says “I can” everyone will believe you can.
It will get better, even just try a few things that could help, we can do it together!!! Be confident and not shy together!! We can support each other over email! Together we will recover form EDs anxiety depression okay? It will happen! I promise!
Having low self confidence can make recovery harder, trust me I know, you just feel useless  but honestly you aren't your perfect!! 
Good luck! :) 
This things are Understandable especially when you are trying to handle depression, anxiety and EDs, but hey it will get better, you might just be a bit more fragile than others and with everything else going obit is common for girls (and boys) to feel this way


Today is a very rainy morning it is currently pouring and freezing and all I want to do is stay in my lovely warm cosy bed! But I now I have t get up in ten minutes otherwise I will be late fir school. Rain always makes motivation to do things really hard! Ugghh I really don't want to have t wait for the bus which will be late in the cold and rain!! :( but well it's either the bus or walking for an hour in the rain so I now what I am going to choose!
And we have to mark our English things and I have volleyball trials strait after school so 3-5:30  and then have to go strait to ballet so I won't get home until 8!!!! Ahhhh! And then I will have to do my homework late at night, today is going to be one stressed out exhausting day!! And have dinner somewhere along the way probably in the car to ballet!! Wish me luck!! :)

I hope your day is a lot less busier than mine and is nice and relaxing, don't let anxiety get to you!! It is something you CAN live without!! I believe in you!!  Have a nice day :) xoxoxo

Good night

Good night guys,  hope your day went well and things are improving for you!
I am so tired ans just feel sick, its horrible, my bet is it is anxiety but uuhh I can't tell! I wish I could just live a normal teenage life with no anxiety, no ED and no depression!! I wish... But it s getting better slowly, I mean I don't get so nervous about school that I throw up each morning! And I can actually eat something at school now!! So I am happy and on the improve too!
I think I am just anxious for volleyball trials and tomorrow in English we are 'discussing' our finished static images as a class and grading them, I hate it s much, no one knows who's is who's so they all feel free to critisize and make bad comments on it, last year all my feedback was super positive and I got top marks so hopefully that gets repeated tomorrow!! Fingers crossed!
Ahhh I hate feeling sick and shaky!!!! And if it is anxiety which it probably is it will be a lot worse in the morning when it comes to actually going to school haha why :( I wish I could just make it go away forever!! And make sure there is no such thing as anxiety and EDs and depression ever again!!
Haha oh well I can't make that happen!

Have a nice sleep :) :) and don't let the bed bugs bite!!
Xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo!! :)

Monday, 15 September 2014

Good afternoon!

Hello I hoe you had a good day! Mine was pretty average but that's okay. After school my mum took me to the bank and I opened my first indepentdant bank account as I am now old enough! Haha feels weird and I will be getting an efpost card in the mail soon! I am so worried that I will forget the pin!! Haha...
Tonight I think I will go out and practice my over arm serves for volleyball trials tomorrow!! So nervous! Because I know my underarm serve will go over every time but to have a chance of getting in the A team I need to be ably to overarm! I doubt I will get in the A team because the teacher has favorites and has pretty much already got it picked out... But if my overarm serve is good maybe I can get him to change his mind!! Probs not though...
Also tomorrow we have to do our dances in ballet one by one!! In alphabitical order so guess who is first! Me! It's weird no one had a name starting with A- J! Well we do but one has a production and the other tore her hamstring so they both won't be there! So I have to go first!! Ahhh! At least I am not last because by then she will be really angry! I can get her in a bad mood for everyone else!! Mwahahaha!! ;)

I hope you had a nice rest of you afternoon! :)

5 habits that lead to depression

Hi guys not sure of this is any interest to you but I found it quite interesting so you might too, funny on how many of these things that I tend to do as well...

1. Lack of Exercise
It may sound peculiar, but exercise is highly important for both your physical and mental well-being. Being inactive can lead to depression. Staying in the house the entire day and not engaging in any physical activities causes people to become lazy or eat too much. Being lazy and oversized is a sure way of getting yourself into a state of depression. It not only reduces your physical mobility but also your self-esteem. In addition, whenever you feel depressed, exercise is usually the last thing on your mind. You prefer to sit and sob than move around. However, it is important for you to remember that exercise makes a monumental difference if you happen to be suffering from depression. The habit of staying in bed or remaining planted on the sofa is absolutely a terrible idea. Our brains produce things known as feel-good chemicals such as serotonin and dopamine. Exercising for even 40 minutes a day helps your brain to produce more of these chemicals, which keeps you active and in high spirits.

 4. Isolation
Being in isolation is a sure way of getting depressed. When you avoid friends and family for whatever reason, you are creating a situation that is ripe for depression. Isolation is the worst thing you can do to yourself, both in physical and mental terms. According to researchers, people who have a strong social network are less likely to develop depression. Having close relationships with friends and family actually promotes better brain chemistry, which leads to lower stress levels. Regardless of the situation, it is always important that you keep in touch with other people. Isolating yourself means that you have no one to share your problems with, which is a recipe for depression. As human beings, we naturally seek human contact. Without this contact, our mental capacity breaks down and we are no longer able to deal with the various pressures of life.
5. Ruminating
Negative thinking is among the major causes of depression. When you dwell on negative thoughts each day, you are setting yourself up for depression. Constantly thinking about threats, rejection, loss or failure is a sure way of getting yourself depressed. There are things in this world that are simply out of our control, so we don’t need to dwell on them. Thinking about something you cannot change can not only make you depressed but also drive you insane. With all the pressures of today’s world, rumination has become a major trigger for depression. People need to find ways of stopping these thoughts dead in their tracks. It is important that you always try to redirect your attention to things that are more positive instead of obsessing on the things you can’t change. You can also try to spend quality time with people who are close to you. Hearing their stories and listening to their jokes will surely help to put your mind at ease. In addition, if something seems to be bothering you too much, you can write it down and throw the piece of paper away. This works primarily as symbolic gesture. It shows that you are done obsessing about that particular problem and you are ready to move on.
2. Improper Diet
Again, eating healthy is not just good for your body but also your mind. Foods that contain omega-3 fats are referred to as brain foods because they are highly essential for healthy brain tissue. Our bodies cannot manufacture these fats on their own so we have to get them from the foods we eat. When you do not eat foods with enough amounts of omega-3 fats, you leave your brain vulnerable to the onset of depression. Foods such as wild game, coldwater fish and seafood are the best sources of such fats. In addition, there is also the option of supplements. They may not always taste very nice, but they will keep your brain healthy and prevent the onset of depression. You should always remember that bad eating habits do play a part in bringing on depression. When you eat healthy, your mind will also be healthy.
3. Poor Sleeping Habits and Stress
If you constantly deprive yourself of sleep, you create a situation that is ideal for depression. Medical experts and physicians recommend that you get at least seven to eight hours of sleep every night. You should also have a routine for the way you sleep. Reading in bed, using the laptop in bed or staying up late are just of the ways that people deprive themselves of sleep. If you don’t get enough sleep, you become easily agitated and highly paranoid. This lays the foundation for a state of depression. If you are well-rested, you mind is always clear and sharp. In addition, people who do not get enough sleep do not perform well at work. This causes them to have high levels of stress, which is very counter-productive. The more stressed a person is, the more they can’t sleep. This revolving cycle is what brings on depression. Since the person can’t sleep or perform their functions properly, they become frustrated and begin to feel trapped. If they begin to feel as though they can’t control what is going on in their life, they end up feeling depressed. Most people don’t appreciate that just getting enough sleep can help to deter depression.

Super happy

Sorry guys I know the last few posts have been pretty negative. But as you will know we all have bad days and good days and today just didn't turn out at all like I wanted it to so I am sorry for the posts. My mood has really improved now though! I am always super happy after ballet! Love ballet so so so much!! Something about it can just make my day okay again! Haha :)
Ahhh I have volleyball trials on wednesday! I am soo nervous! Out of my friends there are three of us that have played volleyball since yr 9 and are pretty damn good!  But this yr all of our other friends who have never played volleyball before want to play and are going to ask for all of us to be in one team and well this may seem mean but I really don't want to be in a team with them! Because we played once in PE and they can't hit the ball over the net! And I don't want to be stuck in a team that sucks!! I would love to be in the A team but the teacher in charge has favorites so that's not going to happen... I just don't want to tell my friends that I don't want to be a team with them, well because they are they only people I can sort of call friends! And I can't be mean... Ahhh I am torn!
I guess I will just see how the trials go because I know I am a lot better than all of them! I dont want to be in a sucky team, which it will be with my friends and I know the compition and we would lose all the games and not be able to go on tournament which I really want to go to but I don't want to sound mean or rude either! I don't know what to do!!

But yay happy again!! Woo!! I hate it when ou just feel down and can't seem to get happy with anything and it had been three days of that so now I am out of it haha I am just soo happy!! Haha yay!!
Hopefully you guys are hyped up as well! But it doesn't matter if you are in a tough patch it WILL get better I promise!! I mean look at me you have been reading depressed posts for three days now, and look at me now! Haha! Something will just make you happy again you just have to work hard and find it! :) I love you and good luck!! Xoxo :)

Sunday, 14 September 2014

Dinner, help....

Well as I had to tell my mum what had happened she found out that I walked home and wasn't happy with me so we it came to dinner see gave me a massive portion! Seriously it was huge for me, it probably wasn't quite normal size as mums was still bigger but for me it was almost double what she normally gives me!! Haha so now I am super full and bloated! That's going to be good it a leotard in just under 40min ;) haha still going, I love ballet! It just makes me soo happy, and makes me feel actually pretty and beautiful for once in my life! The time where I love my body, amazed on what I can make it do and how nice I can look. And to know that everyone in my class in super amazing and supportive, they all know about my anxiety and help me (not sure I want to tell them about my ED though, but they would understand!) and one other girl had depression last year, really badly and cut herself a lot, she tried to hide it but when you are only wearing a leotard and see throughish tights you can't hide anything,but we didn't care we made her smile, and she said that we helped her a lot,no one judged her and haha we lyed about her cuts when the teacher asked and if hey all 12 of us agreed on one story the teacher had to believe it! And now she is happy and recover and is now my besty!
So yay ballet tonight! Well in 30min probably should get changed and put my hair in a bun!!

:( ...

Well as today wasn't bad enough with my fricken gad deciding to be horrible so I felt sick and shaky all day, and lots of bragging about camp and just things in general going wrong, my friend had english last and forgot her pencils and stuff and she had static image assement so I lent her my pencil case and she was meant to give it back to me after school as I has PE last and didn't need it so  I waited for ages for her and texted her and she wouldn't reply for ages so. Just waited thinking she would come but then she replied saying she got let out early so she left!! Thanks for telling me! I missed my bus and had to walk home, and I was meant to go out with my mum after school but because I was late she left without me too and won't be back until 5 so I am now waiting outside my house as I don't have a key and she is still 2 hours away!! And I am going to get yelled at by my deitian for walking home more than twice a week because it is too much exercise, and I don't want to be out in a ED ward!! For over exercising help!!
And now I feel really depressed again more than I did this morning, haha crying on my doorstep looks attractive doesn't it!!

Hope your day was tonnes better than mine :)


Morning guys, not sure if it is a good one or not... Sorry for no extra post last night, I just felt really sad and depressed again, not sure why dinner was fun! And I still do slightly and I feel really sick again but it is almost probably anxiety for school and then there is school which I really don't want to go to... And then throw in trying to eat lunch, today isn't going to be a great day... Oh and my 'friends' (I think they just sit with me because) are coming back from camp so they will be talking about it all day and will have inside jokes they won't tell me etc. etc... Uhhh can't I stay home!!?!

Anyway I hope YOU have a awesome day and everything goes well! :) have fun! Xoxo

Saturday, 13 September 2014

Belgium bicuits

Well as I was bored this afternoon and we had nothing for school lunches I decided to make some Belgium biscuits as they are one of my favs!

 It made 40 separate biscuits so it will make 20 all together.
The recipe thanks to Gregg's!!
And dont worry there will be more pics when they are iced!! Haha...