Volleyball news!!

Yay next weekend I will be going to Canterbury champs with my team!! Its only for Fri, sat and sunday so I will miss a day of school, but thats okay ;) and its in chch so we wont have to travel. I am nervous because the teacher running it is choosing three people from our team to travel down to Invercargal with the A team!! So it is important!! We got our uniforms today too, dont they look great!??

 Haha they are way too big for me because I am so short!! (160cm) And because volleyballers are meant to be tall it is like a dress on me!! I have to pull down my spandex really low so it looks like I am even wearing them!! Haha and it was the smallest too!! haha!!

Anyway they are so so so much better than the yr 10s last year!! theres were like ^this^ one but green and white strips and had a very ugly collar on them!! haha!! And these ones are brand new and we are the first to wear them Yay!! SO excited!!! My second ever tournament!! only a week to go!!! :) :) :) 

M's house, dinner

Tonight we are going over to my friend M's house for dinner for her Bday!! whether we do anything for halloween I don't know but probably not. 

 These are the presents I got/made her, I hope she likes them! along with a gift card!

I made her a little picture thing (in the top right corner) made out of jam jar lids which also took me a while but I think it was worth it!! I would post a closer pic but it has pics of her in it as well as me so i will wont post it online without her permission first, sorry :)

 She is even more obsessed about Harry Potter than I am so I thought deathly hallows would be good!! It took me ages and I am not 100% happy with it but it is the best I can do!

And ^this^ is what I mean with the macarons failing.. they all cracked :( believe it or not these are the best of my batch..

So hopefully she likes them!!

We will be having pizza for tea too... Hmm I will be fine though :)

I hope you have a good night too!!!

Happy Halloween!!

Happy Halloween guys!! haha even though we dont really celebrate it.. We use to when we were little and went trick or treating but now no one has any lollies and so it isnt very fun going around the place with no one wanting you to turn up at their doorstep!! Haha, i wish we did though :(
So all we did was put up a very fake looking spider web in the front room as we got it free with the supermarket shopping as no one was buying them as they wanted to get rid of them!! Haha!!

 haha look how bad it is!! and with the cute little spider!! Hahaha!!

What do you guys do for halloween?? Lollies??!!!

Tired again

It is almost the end of the year and I am just soo worn out and seriously looking forward to those lovely six weeks off school over Christmas break! Yayyyy!! But that is still seven weeks away... Nawww... Everyday is just draining all the energy out of me, and I am left exhuasted.
Two weeks until exams and panick and anxiety so that will be fun... Not.
Today was pretty good I guess, had good subjects today as well (PE art textiles science and math, that one not so good..;)) we watched the most disgusting video in science, let's just say a extremely graffic puberty video, need I say much more?! Loads of people wearing no clothes and close ups of bits... Hmmm uugghh!! Why in science!? We do enough of that in health!! Ahhh!!
So that was probably the worst bit of my day!! At volleyball training at lunch only 4 of us turned up, my team isn't very reliable haha oh well, we met up with the head of Vball at training and he said he was looking for two-three people from our team (B team) to travel down to invercagal (sorry can't spell!) for south islands!! And he is looking at the people who constantly turn up to trainings!! Last week only 3 of us turned up and this week 4 and I was there both times so hopes up!! I really want to go but at the same time I really don't as I am super anxious enough without being away from home without my parents for a whole week!  Can't even cope with a sleepover at my friends house so I don't know how a whole week is going to go and with people I am not super close with at all.. So I don't know if I want to go, but I shouldn't worry about it as I don't even know/think it will get chosen s yeah. But it's exciting all the same!!
I have to hand in my writing portfolios tomorrow!! All three, so hopefully I get good marks for them!!
Afte school I fixed them up which took ages then I made part of Ms Bday Bday present as we are going to her house tomorrow for tea (Ahhh, and it will be pizza...) so I got that done (pics tomorrow) and then we went down to the mall to get a gift voucher for her too as I don't know wha else to get her, as I can't just give her my failed macarons ;) so yep tomorrow I hope I don't be any more homework as I will be very busy trying to make my ganache and buttercream to fill them before 5 when we have to be at hers, so hopefully my terrible bus driver is on time!! She was only 20min late today! It was great!! Usually she is 30-40min so it was good in a way... It would be better if she was on time!! And I have t make a card after school tomorrow as well! Busy girl!!
Well I am pretty much falling asleep as I am so tired so goodnight!!
Don't let the bed bugs bite!! ;)
Xoxoxo hahah ;)

Tired and stressed.

I hope everyone had a good day today!
Mine was pretty bad to be honest. But that's okay things will improve.
Firstly I woke up with a massive headache and have had that all day which has made it super hard t concentrate in class, then I went to make toast for breakfast and I burnt it, then I went to boil some eggs to take for my lunch at school (along with crisps! It is amazing!! Sounds weird but chips and eggs taste amazing!) and was rushed so I took them out think they were done but when I cut them open they so were not! So I grabbed a bit of plain gf bread instead... So that was my lunch, a piece of bread tomatoes and a muesli bar.. Hmmm not good I know but I didn't have time for anything else as I was pretty late, it would of been fine with my three eggs and chips as well, but that didn't happen. So already feeling anxious I ran to the bus stop only to be waiting and waiting and waiting, and I seriously thought I had missed it but my parents had gone to work so I was just going to wait for the normal busses to come which were in about 25min but nope I didn't miss it, it was just really late so I then was late to assembly so you have to be the awkward person walking in by yourself just as the doors are closing so embarrassing! So by then I felt like crying.
Then I got given lots of homework through out the day, more stress, my English teacher has decided to spring suprise essays on us so now I will be anxious before every lesson of English, then I had textiles where me friend and I dyed our fabric s now my hands are bright red, not kidding! It was funny at first but it seriously doesnt come off and it had stained my nails pink, and then I got told off for wearing nail polish at school by some random teacher which I am not it is just the dye that stained my nails. And then I had to go to beach volleyball which I did not want to do as I have a massive headache and just fee sick, but as M can't play as she sprained her wrist/thumb my team would seriously lose without me, as they are good players but their serves dont really go ver the net at all so we just lose tonnes of points from that, which is why I normally do all the serving. And then I rolled my ankle in the sand and now it is really sore, hopefully it will be gone in the morning.
Then I had t make desert for everyone. And I had to make macarons for my friends Bday on friday as she loves them s much and they failed and look terrible and I just don't want to give them to her as the look so bad, the feet didn't turn out at all and they all cracked so I don't know what happened, I did the same as last time but oh we'll and I don't have time to make new ones so i will just mix the coloured shells to find some average ones I can give her as well as a gift card (or if I can find anything else nested) which I will have t get tomorrow after school. And now I sent strait to bed as it is 9:30 even though I just finished baking and I didn't get any of the desert I made as I had no time and I didn't get a shower either, so I will have to get up extra early to have one, more stress in the morning! And now I am so tired and feel ill and all I feel like doing is curling up in a ball and crying and never coming out again, as tomorrow is going to be just as bad. But oh we'll I will cope, hopefully.. It will be fine :)
So I hope you had a great day!! Lots of love L :) xoxoxo

Hmmm :)

*sigh* school. School is just so hard at the moment, I still get blimen anxious before going and then pressure of doing homework and assessments and projects to my normal extremely high standard, which I have set fr myself. I find that I almost have t get an excellence in everything otherwise I just feel terrible and worthless about myself then I get down about my body image etc. so I just stress myself heaps and do extra work so I can avoid that, even though I know I don't have to. But it is just what I do to help me stay happy and not all depressed like again I guess, so if it works I am not changing it! (and I hate changing my normal!) and we have exams coming up in about three weeks too, they start on the 19th so I am freaking out about them!!! Ahhh!! Exams are the worst!! :(
Anyway just a normal day again I guess. We had to watch a Parihaka film this morning which took up two whole periods, and t be honest was quite boring. We have studied Parihaka and Maori culture ever since I started school s I know all about it and it was just repeating what we have learnt ver and over again!! There was a bit where everyone burst out laughing, not that it was meant to be funny though, so I felt bad for laughing... It was it the background singing "Welcome to Dunedin town " and lots more verses it such a Scottish accent and so we excepted a Scottish or at least Maori singing it but it was a Korean man and it was such a shock!! Wow his accent was so strong and wow! I would not of guessed that! He sounded so Scottish! He was such a awesome man/acter!! Haha he was so cool!
Today in art I managed to get my first two prints done, so I am happy about that!! As I missed a lesson n fri as I had my exam and my class spent the whole lesson carving so I expected to be so far behind and not get time to print but I managed to carve really quickly then printed right before the bell rang so I did get it done!! Yay now we just have to carve out more objects then print in black over it so some bits are coloured and some sat white!! S I will get that done next lesson!!
Tomorrow my health project is due (I hope it is good enough!!!) we had to do 'sexuality in music' so we had to research music videos and find the messages in them and how they relate to sexuality etc. not that mine had anything to do with sexuality! Haha well it kind of does.. I did mine onAll about that bass by meghan trainer, which is about not caring about body image etc. the perfect song for me! :) so I guess body image kinda relates to sexuality! Haha oh well!! Hopefully it is okay as it isn't quite what the assessment asked for but it should be okay! Worried about that...
And then I had tennis after school and we have a new coach as our normal one has another coaching session at the Same time as ours as the times were mucked up, so he is on the court next to us! So he can still joke with us :) Ahhh I have my first interclub game n saturday!! Scary! Playing other people where the scores are recorded etc!! Ahh!!
Anyway I hope your day was great :)
Love ya!! Xoxox :)

Haha cut off the end f the last post! Sorry!

Sorry I just realized that the end of my post last night didn't save! And it won't let me add any more! Is there such thing as a word limit or something like that?! I don't know but oh well...So it was meant to say and everything was covered in gravy which tasted like lamb, so it was a struggle to eat it... I just had a really small portion... And icecream for desert if course! Then on mon morning it was pouring and we had to be out of the house by ten, so we didn't think there was much point staying as everything was closed in the rain so we just both said goodbye and left for home again! I of course had the job of entertaining a almost 2yr old for the whole two hours we spent in the car as R was watching YouTube on his iPad as ALWAYS, seriously he positions it on the bench in the bathroom so he can watch it in the shower!! He is addictted to that thing!! And then lovely sweet home again!! Overall I think it was a okay break, parts I loved (mini golf!! Shopping, eating out! Etc.) but there were parts where I struggled a lot, but that's oka I think as well if it was at the start of the year you probably couldn't of even got me in the car to go as I was afraid it would crash etc. so on the improve! :) So it was a fun holiday! :)

Hello again :)

Hi guys sorry for the last really quick post a few days ago, I was super rushing by that point!
So my exam went okay I think, I think I could of done better though... I mean it wasn't my best I don't think. All four of us mucked up the very first exercise! Oops :) and all through the bar my legs were shaking so hard I literally could not stand still or fully straitened my knees, so if she noticed hopefully she just put it down to nerves and didn't take marks off, but I bet she did. Then I got cramp in my foot right in the middle of my exam, thanks, so I just kept going and it went away again thankfully. Then the pianist, as we only had practiced with her once, played our allegro (jumps kind of thing) really slowly so that was awkward as we were ahead of the music when we relised it wasn't at the normal timing and then we had to do really big bends in the middle of each jump before we jumped again, awkward slow motion jumping, seriously it was that slow!! :) and i mucked up that ending too :( next for our free movement section I got my scarf we dance with stuck on my bun, twice!! Haha oops! I don't think she saw the second time though. As we so it in twos we get to watch the others do it after us and a girl after me E, got it wrapped right around her head and she couldn't see, I feel really sorry for her! But to be fair for both of us the scarves were longer than the ones we practiced with. And then character study. Well I suck at it in general so um yeah. I got everything in that section right at least. It was just badly done as always. So I don't think I got my first 8 ever but maybe my first 4-5 !! So at kinda sucks but nothing I can do now, just wait and stay positive. :)

And then strait after my exam when I got home I was told to pack as we are going up to hanmer for the weekend!! Yay, kinda, I just get homesick easily and would rather of stayed home and not have to go through the panic of it, but it was fun I guess.
We stayed with our family friends too do it was nice to see them,
It didn't start off so well... We had got the sheets from the cupboard to make the beds and I swear they weren't washed from the last people. They were gross.the first pillow slip I picked up had dried blood on it, the second a bit of snot and my first sheet I picked up had a squished fly in the middle of it. And eww. I just stood there and cryed. It was just too much. I was awy from home, the bedding was gross, I just failed at my exam, I was staying with four other people and I just panicked. I just tried so hard not to cry as I know my parents paid quite a bit for this holiday and that I should enjoy it and I didn't want to let them down, but t was hard. I just wanted to go home. It took me so long to get into bed that night, I slept on top of the covers with my jeans and jacket over my pjs with socks and gloves on s my body didn't have to touch the bedding, and my towel over the pillow. I would of slept on the ground but I think the was even worse than the bed. I think I was just being panaoid about it all...
On Saturday we played mini golf and went out for morning tea :) the cafe was called the powerhouse and if you ever go to hanmer you have to g there!! It is amazing and they have about 15 different flavours of friands! And they are so good! I had a red current brûlée one, filled with custard creme thing and currents on top and through it and warmed it was amazing! My dad got a choc hazelnut one and when it was heated and he cut into it all this chocolate came goozing out, I don't think I could of eaten it though, we then did some shopping, not the I gt anything except this amazing toffee called walkers nonsuch toffee (which you should all buy!!!) from the lolly shop, I got the banana one, ad I would of gone back today before we left t get some more but we didn't have time, s I think I will have to buy some form eBay very soon!! :)
Sunday it was drizzling so we went out for breakfast to the powerhouse again, and I got some French toast with berry coulis banana and vanilla syrup which was lovely, and R got some Mexican nacho thing, yes for breakfast! Hmmm I suppose it is normal in Mexico?! Maybe.. We then went swimming, which I really didn't want to do. I was top swimmer in yr8 out of my whole school, except for my bestie M who can beat me in breathe stroke, but I can eat her in the others! But not a high school, we have 3000 people at my high school, yep biggg school! And it is only 5 yrs, we have about 300-400 in my yr alone! So defiantly not at high school! But ever since my anxiety which was at its worst at the start of this yr we had swimming sports and I just couldn't get in the water. I just couldn't . I was so scared most of the school watching, I felt sick and faint, so I didn't do it, I just 'forgot' my togs, so now every time I attempt to go near water now I feel so dizzy and faint, and I am scared that if I go into the water I will faint and drown, or get water blackout which a kid died from earlier this yr, which is when you hold your breathe for too long under water and the pressure builds on your lungs so when you come up for a breathe it is your last and your lungs collapse. I know you have to hold your breathe under water for about 5/6 min but still, it could happen. So well I was so scared but I couldn't let all the 8 other people going down by not going so I just didn't put my head under and sat in the hot pools all the time we were there.but we did get a return pass and hydro slides and I felt I couldn't waste it so we went back after tea and I went on the hydro slides and did actually swim and put my head under and played tag with the other teens in the pool, so I did swim. A and I went up the Super Bowl slide thing and this dude, lifeguard was talking us up like asking our names and where we were from and which school we went to and then he said he would add us on Facebook! Haha shame on home I dont have Facebook! And he thought we looked nice, I was in tight swimming togs! And A was in a bikini! Too creepy, way too creepy and scary! And then he asked us to name a famous footballer and well, we had nooo ides! Haha his face! He looked shamed, but he was super creepy so we didn't g up that one again! But we went on the other two about 15 times, before going to the hot pools as it was freezing at 8:30 at night!!
We had lame that night for tea... Hmmm I really hate lamb. It makes me feel sick and tastes groks so that was fun and everything was covered

Bye

Sorry guys just had my exam, and because it is a long weekend my parents suprised me with a trip to hanmer ei our family friends and we are leaving now so if you don't hear from me in the next 3 days that's why bye,!!

Ahh nervous!!

I am so nervous already and my exam isn't until tomorrow!! Ahhh!! Tonight I have my last lesson  before my exam but we aren't really doing any work, we are just going over which exercises you do in pairs, where to stand etc. so I am so nervous!!
Tomorrow I am going t be in full panic mode so if I do write a post it is going to be a very anxious me post, so you may not want to read it all...
Today was good, we played volleyball in PE but as my friend M hurt hurt hand/wrist yesterday at beach volleyball (strained, torn muscles we think as she was in a lot of pain and can't really move it, but she is getting checked at the physio tonight, finger crossed it is good news :)) she couldn't play and the rest of my team, well to put it nicely aren't very good... One boy is super shy and doesn't really talk at all and spends most of his time on the corner of the court, but is really good with his serves! But otherwise if the ball comes close to him he will just run away from it... And then another boy is not scared of the ball but it always hits the roof and goes in that opposite direction and then a girl who lets just say doesn't like to play any sport... So I am pretty much running around the court by myself trying to hit it up but t is still fun! I almost feel bad for taking everyone's balls but they ask me too, well except for the boy who is really shy.. But I feel sorry for him, I mean it would be so hard and he is probably really anxious too, so I know exactly how he feels, sadly :(
So it will be the same tomorrow :(
Haha it is so weird, I have my fringe up for the first time since my last ballet production which was two years ago and it feels so weird, my forehead is all breezy :P haha. But I will have to walk around school tomorrow with it up too so that is going to be torture!! I look terrible and everyone I'd going to be looking at me :( especially my friends, who I know are going to burst out laughing! Soo I don't feel very good about tomorrow. And I am so anxious about my exam too!! Which is 17hours away!!! Ahhh!! Well. Should get a good nights sleep so I hope your day was fantastic!!
Stay strong :) xoxox

Macaroon answer

Sorry for not replying sooner as something is wrong with my comments and is not letting me answer so I will write a post about it instead!!
Ok no they are not very almondly as they filling (buttercream or ganache) is pretty much the thing you can mostly taste.
Yes you can just make them on a normal baking tray (well I did anyway :))
And I think they taste just as good as bought ones (then again I did make them ;) but my parents think they are nice as well )
So yeah, I think you should defiantly make them and they are pretty easy too!
Some tips I would say is that when it says to put extra food coloring in as it fades in the oven, put heaps and heaps in! I thought I did but obviously not as the do fade a lot! And do bang it on the table heaps as well as again I thought I did it enough but some still cracked so I needed to have done it more.
And you would probably want the recipe to haha :)
Recipe , and in do recommend watching the video as well! And the super cool thing is the the recipe comes from a 200 yr old recipe book too!! Well I think that is really cool anyway! So yeah I would make them again and have fun making them!! Let me know how you go! :)

So exhuasted!

I am so tired.  Two hours of beach volleyball then a quick dinner then strait to ballet to another 1.5 hours!! And am so so tired and all my muscles hurt too!

Beach volleyball hmmm, what happened? Let me tell you. We arrived and our school had 6 teams but only 5 were registered and because our partners didn't show up last week these seriously bitchy yr 9s said its because we are a unregistered team even though both of our teams are registered and we have a email to prove it and THEY don't !! So they are the un registered team! And they were so so rude to us! We just were mature and said okay then we will just join and be a big team of four then, but nooo apparently we can do that! Which we can, we have played for two more years than them! It is their second game ever! So we just decided to play half a game each then so they were all uh fine then! And this is the bit that I am so scared and upset about I said okay then do you want to go on that side f the court as the games have started already? And I got this as a reply no stop being so F*ing rude to us we are not playing against you bitches we quit. And walk off tell the manager that we said to get off our court you can't play and swore at them a lot and were rude to them and we are the un registered team so we can't play, then one girl F*ing starting crying which was so fake and her mum was there too so we got yelled at by the manager some evil yr 9s and a mother who believed her bitch if a daughter and honestly I hate being involve in 'drama' and yelled at so I was seriously ready to cry and I would of too so I just walked away and sat down, like I am not anxious enough as it is now I have to worry about being sent to the dean for 'bad' behavior and language which I didn't do!! But those fricken yr 9s  lied so much! We did not swear once. I don't swear, seriously my friends try so hard to make me but I don't do it, I hate it, I won't do it, un,ess I am really upset. So it's like being told off for doing something you never do and are completely against and didnt do! So I am so annoyed with them and now I don't want to go to school even more because of them I am now even more anxious than before and it has got to the point where I can't stop crying because I am so scared and stressed and I can't get to sleep. So thank you for making my life even harder.
But it was funny as we managed to prove we were registered so we did get to play our second game, as apparently our first game wasn't counted as it was 'illegal' so we will be behind on the table now but I did this really awesome jump tip of the ball onto the other side and got the point but I fell backwards and sidded along the ground and got a ton of sand down my underwear and spandex! So there was this big bulge of sand on my bum and I had to awkwardly shake it out on the court and it was so funny and all my friends were just killing them selves laughing!! But I do admit it was pretty funny! :)
Then my second to last ballet lesson! Ahhh my exam is in two days!! So nervous!! But I am sure it will be fine :)...
So I am going to try and sleep now, dought it, I am shaking with anxiety right now and crying and can seem to stop so that will be fun! Just got to do my breathing and relaxation tequiniques I guess.. I just hate doing them because it makes me relise that I do have a anxiety disorder and that I am not like everyone else and I just don't like it I guess.. I just want to fit in!! Please!! Just stay positive :) :)
I hope you had a great day! Good night!! Xoxox :)

Parents can be hard sometimes...

Ahhh my parents have suddenly gone into this overprotective thing at the moment and it is really getting to me!! Seriously they check on me about every 15min even though I am in bed, and keep telling me to go to sleep because they are worried I will be tired in the morning it is only 9 o'clock!! I usually finish reading n bed about 10:30!! And they have been coming in my room at about 6:30 every morning just to make sure my alarm went off even though I normally don't get up until 7 and they have been checking my lunches every day (don't blame them on that though..) to make sur ei have enough to eat and they are making me text them when I get to the bus stop (which is a 2min walk away down the road, I don't even have to cross a road!) t make sure I get ther okay?! And then I have to text them when I am on the bus then again when I am school. And if I don't they send heaps f texts and call me to make sure I am okay, which is quite embarrassing talking to your parents on the phone saying yes I am on the bus yes I am at school! And they have been staying at all my practices after school, usually they will just drop me off and go home again and texting me all through the day at school!! And it is driving me nuts!! I literally cannot and do not have anytime to myself at the moment!! I know they are trying to look after me but why start now ?? I was fine a week ago and nothing has changed since then, and I just want at least 10min by myself! Please!! I still love them heaps, but they are starting to get on my nerves!!

Tennis....

Well as I hav interclub tennis on Saturdays now I had to move my coaching to Tuesday's  and I had no problem with that until the girls I was playing doubles with pretty much grabbed what tiny bit of self confidence I have and shredded it all up. It started with why do you where anklettes they so are last year (well I like my anklettes thanks, and they cover the scars in my ankle too...), then no offense but your hair is like barbie hair, you know cause your fringe is super puffy (it's not!) and the colour and you can't of washed it because it looks like plastic (thanks I washed it last night!), then they started calling me Barbie because apparently my hair looks like it and my hips are sooo big but my legs tiny so I could be Barbie. But wait no I couldn't because I have no boobs, so I was then Barbie with no boobs. And they were calling me that the whole lesson when our coach was watching the game on the other court. And then it was please hit the fricken ball over the net!! (I am trying it is not my fault your serves are seriously amazing and fly past me !! Can't you see me trying!) then you are soo bad at this!(I know I am playing with you, a couple of grades up!!) then why on earth is your gear and shoes pink! Pink is the worst color ever and soo doesn't suit you! Then why are you so shy! Just talk for gods sake! (hi hi have you met me! I have GAD I am super anxious right now! And you are sooo making it worse!!) then your legs are too pale get a tan! (I don't tan, you don't think I have tryed!)
And now I feel terrible . It's like everything I like about me is apparently ugly or too big or too small or 'so not pretty'. And now I just want to curl up in my room and never come out because apparently I am ugly, have to big a hips, my legs are too small, I look like a Barbie doll, have no boobs (well one of them was 12 and she deffantly didn't so they can't say anything! And I had my oversized jumper on the whole time!), my legs are too pale, and I am terrible at tennis (which I am not in MY grade!) and I just feel horrible and the little self confidence I have left is telling me to hide away  and keep my ugly body to myself.

Yay schools over!

Yay schools finally over for today!! Even though I have to go back in about 30min :(. Haha but that's because I have volleyball! I am trying not to be negative but I seriously think we are going to lose this game by a lot, as we are the B team we have some people who are just starting to play and shouldn't of gotten into a team but because the teacher her loves them they are in even if they don't want to play or trialled! So yep we are so going to lose against the other schools A team... Big time unless a miracle happens!!
Thankfully I finally have knee pads do my knees won't be bleeding by the end, haha that use to be every game last year ;)
And then I have ballet strait after so I won't get home until 9 lucky me... So dinner won't be until 9 :( I hate having late dinners, I like having my normal routine and eating times :(
So anyway I should really start my nice long walk back to school :( why can't I live closer!!

School again *sigh*

Monday again... I really don't want to go to school this week A) because I have to walk to school which takes an hour and I really don't have the energy B) I have my French speaking test which gets recorded and shown in class so I have to watch myself! C) for some reason I feel extremely anxious this morning?? D) I have my ballet exam in four days on fri and its in the afternoon so I will have to walk around school with my hair pulled back into a really tight bun with my fringe up and non of my friends or my class has seen me with my fringe up (because it looks terrible) so I will have attention on me E) I have so many assignments due F) the last week before exams in a weeks time so every class is frantic G) I am just so stressed I just feel like I can't do anything.
 Whhhyyy does school exist!? Well i kow why, but somedays I wish I didn't have to go. :(

But there are a few good things I guess, I have my first volleyball game today (which is making my anxiety worse) so hopefully that will be fun, and we can start cutting out our fabric  in textiles today so I can start my patchwork bag which has t be tiedyed, block printed and screen printed and it is fun getting dye and ink all over my hands then having rainbow hands for the rest of the day ;) haha even though ou get weird looks with having bright blue and purple hands!
Anyway I have to leave now :(
So I hope ou have a nice day!! :)
Xoxoxox

Post 200!!!! An update of my day!

Wow I can't believe this is post 200 already! exciting!!
Wow today has been super busy!! As my room is normally terribly messy and have stuff every where, and you don't even want to see my cupboard or open as stuff will fall on you hahaha! So my mum decided today was the day for it all to be cleaned up and sorted out. I am normally such a perfectionist, it's so not funny until it comes to my room when being perfect just gets to much so it's the complete opposite! Haha until now where it is so tidy and I actually have some spare shelves in my cupboard! Compared to them being stuffed and you can see the floor in my cupboard too! It's a miracle!! Haha :) so all my old clothes which are now too small and all the old ones stuffed in the top of my cupboard are gone and so are all my old school books, aww my story writing books from when I was 5 they are soo cute! And quite a few of my stuffed animals that were up there too :( (don't worry I still have about 50 on my bed!! :)) and all those rainbow magic fairy books that I use to love all gone!! So I actually have a lot of space now!! And I intend it to stay that way! Haha yeah right, I might give it a week! :)
Ballet was actually okay and fun today! And she didn't yell a me!! Yayayayay!! She even said my dance would go up from a 4 to a 6-7!! And seeings in the two other full exams (the ones the are important and get graded etc.) I have done I have only got a 6 or 7 for everything so like a 63/64 out of 100, which is pretty bad... But in grade 5 well I sucked. And in grade 6 the last one I was really sick with the flu and was throwing up, but I still did it so it's an okay mark seeing that I was so weak and felt terrible! And I know I am not the strongest dancer at all, and this exam and examiner is really tough so I really really want to get my first 8!! But I know it is unlikely, just as long as it isn't a 5 or below... Then it will be fine! Haha  5 days until my exam!! Ahhhh!!!
How was your day?? Super amazingly good I hope!!
Stay strong because I care about you and know you can do it!! :) :)
Xoxoxoxoxoxo! :) 

Lunch

Sorry I am super busy today so I dont have much time to write as I have to go to ballet in about 1min!! Ahhh soo nervous about ballet!! I am scared she is going to yell at me all over again!! :( Oh well! So you can see my lunch pictures instead :)

Corn couscous salad with 2 macaroons!!

Byyyeee!!

Cinnamon French toast, my breakfast! And recipe

As you know as I got up early I mad some cinnamon French toast with caramelized bananas! It was soo good, especially with all the maple syrup I put on it!

 Yummy!!

The recipe, that I made up so yeah the measurements are just a rough guess!!

1 egg
2 Tablespoons milk
Some bread, because I am celiac I can eat gluten so it made four pieces of gf bread, but they are quite a bit smaller than normal bread so maybe about 2-3 depending on the size of the bread
Cinnamon, add to taste
1 Tablespoon of sugar
A banana
And maple syrup

Mix the egg, milk, cinnamon and sugar in a small bowl
I cut the crust off the bread, but that's up to you and heat up a small frypan
Place a piece of bread in the egg mixture and then place in the frypan until cooked, dont leave it in the egg for too long otherwise the bread goes mushy.
For the banana just cut it up thinly and fry in the pan with a bit of maple syrup be careful not to.burn it, done that many times!) until golden
And eat hot with loads of syrup!!!

It is really easy and tastes so good!! I defiantly recommend it!

My finished macaroons!

Haha these took ages and lots of patience (well only if you are me and create loads of mess and stuff everywhere!!) but they were worth it and look and taste really good!! Yay!! Last time I made them they didn't turn out very well.. They tasted like them but didn't look anything like them!! But the worked this time round!

 As you can tell they were a lot brighter when I first put them in the oven, the heat faded the coloring so they look quite a bit duller than before^^  so next time I now know that I have to put tones of coloring in!!

They are vanilla, passinfruit, strawberry and salted caramel, my favorite!

I think they turned out really well, what do you think?

Saturday

Morning guys!! How has your day been so far?
Mine has been good! I got up early (when I say early I mean 8:30! Which is early for me on the weekends..) And i made myself a big breakfast of French toast!! With caramilzed banana and lots of maple syrup!! It was so very nice!! I will post sme picture but it will have to be later as my mum is working on the computer so I can't upload them to picasa, I found a way tout pics on with my iPad but I have to upload them to picasa on the computer first. Which is how I got that one (points to the left of the screen). Next it was to tennis which was fun as always, I now have to change my coaching day t Tuesday because I will have interclub tennis starting in two weeks as next week our first game is a public holiday. So I will have tennis two times a week, yay!!
For my afternoon snack I went to grab a cheese and crackers thing only to find the cheese was extra cheese flavour, which put me off as how can you have extra cheesy cheese?? So I read the  back of the packet only to find it didn't have any real cheese in it!! Haha so I don't think I will be having those again with its fake cheese!
After I made macaroons!! Just because my mum said that they wouldn't work and are too hard to make so of course I had to make them and prove her wrong!! And they did work! Well most of them... One tray of the shells all cracked as I hadn't rapped it enough (banging it to get rid of the air bubbles) so pretty much all of them worked except one tray which still taste like macaroons!
I am now just waking for my dad to come home with some more icing sugar on his way back frm swimming with B so I can make the filling! Haya! Haha I have been standing for more than two ours making them and now my feet hurt s much :P
I am also making tacos for tea so that will be fun,  have never made them before so hopefully they work out! But it is a pack thing so all I need to do is make the salsa and salad and cook the meat in the spice mix thing and heat the shells so it doesn't look very hard at all!! Yaya easy tea!
Uuhh the only other thing I can thin about is ballet tomorrow, I am so nervous and scared she is going to yell at me again, bt I just have to keep my mind off it...
Stay strong, you are perfect!! :) xoxoxo

Mall dinner

Well we did go to the mall for tea which was nice and I had a small plate f noodles with Chinese chille beef on it, normally it is really good and not spicy but let's say today the chef didn't g easy on the chille!! It was soo hot!! But still tasted good!! My iced tea helped a lot with that!!
We then did some shopping, not for me shopping isn't really my thing, but R got some new futsul boots as his old ones are too small and he got into a new futsul team as his old one wanted a year off but he still wanted to play. So he has fancy new bright orange boots that arrived in the shops yesterday from Nike so he is very happy with himself! And my other brother B got his second pair of sandals and third of sneakers as little feet grow so fast!!
Mmm and as I was very stupid and cut myself on Wed (it seems to help at the ti,e but always is never worth it, please don't do it, stay strong!! But then again I am working on stopping it had been two months so it is improving)  so I have started a nice new trend of wearing about a million anklets on my ankle to cover them all up and I think it worked! My mum commented on the braclettes but didn't relised what was under it and she saw them close up so that's a good thing so I think I will be wearing heaps of them tomorrow for tennis as well... Hmm not too good for running in but oh well I'll cope.
I hope you had a nice dinner too, see you tomorrow!! :)

Yay weekend!!

Yay it is finally the weekend again!! Well in about five hours it is!!
School was good I guess, just normal. I didn't get t do my french speaking test today which is kind of disappointing  as because of my last name I was pretty close to the end of the role so I was on the end of the list to do it. I did want to get it over and done with because it's like I put all this effort into studying and was so anxious for the whole day waiting for it for nothing! And I will be really nervous again on tues when I have to do it and I would rather sta away from being anxious.
Haha is science we are doing genetics so today we had to design a plant in are table groups (3s)  and lets just say we got out of control with our poster like always... Everytime a highlighter gets involved it just turns bad.. :P so ours was a rainbow minuture tree, with rainbow flowers to attract insects to pollinate our tree and once the flower is pollinated it will grow little rainbow fruit shaped like mini rainbows!! The rainbows are designed to attract birds which will eat them and therefore the seeds and spread then around! :P haha and let's just say we didn't have any coloured pencils so the highlighters came out to play... It's very bright.. Even our teacher cracked up but it was a fun lesson! Until it comes to the time to present it... Not fun and I will be even more anxious because it looks so bad!! Everyone else took it seriously and we so didn't!! Haha :)
As I didn't really eat amything at school yesterday, I decided to eat a whole lot extra to catch up (don't worry I know that's not how it works but it made me feel better like proving to myself that I can eat lots at school kinda thing..) and so exciting I stepped on the scales and it read wait for it dun dun dun... 48!!!! My minim goal weight!!! Haha yayyyy!! I know it is borderline and I do well should get up to 50 but it's getting there!! It feels weird as it is a lot heavier than I have ever been even before my weight loss, some 5kg more!! But I feel upset at the same time, I know it's a awesome thing but it doesn't feel right like I shouldn't weight that much, but it is a good thing I guess, I just need to get use to it. A good thing something called rescue remedy exists!! :)
I think we are off to the mall for tea again tonight so that will be nice!
How was your day?? Amazingly awesome I hope!!
Stay strong, love is always greater than the pressure to be perfect!! :)
Xoxoxoxoxoxo!!!

Good night..

Good night! Xoxo
Toady has not been fantastic at all... I have felt sick all day and still do and its horrible and because I felt terrible I didn't eat morning tea or lunch so I think I made it a whole lot worse... And now. Feel like crap and being sick :( and that's not even mention ballet and I have my speaking test tomorrow so I am super nervous I just don't want to do it or what happened last time t happen again. I am so stressed out right now and anxious and all I want to do is cry and it is only yr10 I haven't even started proper exams yet! Which start next yr for me!!! Ahhh!! I just feel down. And I wish I wouldn't. Right now is the worst time.
Anyway good news I got into a inter club tennis team and a girls one this yr and one of my friends form yr 8 at primary is in it and it is going to be so weird because I haven't seen her in two yrs!! Haha I'm sure it will be nice to see her again. And we are doing my favorite volleyball in PE!! Yay something I can finally do!! Now I wil have volleyball seven times during the school week including my games and trainings! Yayyyy!!!
Ugghh I feel terrible so good night!! I hope you has a nice day!! :) xoxox

Ballet....tears...and a new cut on my ankle

Ballet was horrible.
All she did was yell at me the whole lesson.
No one else just me.
I had t do my dance last so there was no one else in the room just me and her, the perfect chance to yell full out at me.
Yelling at me that I'm useless, terrible, horrible, worst in the class, worst grade 7 she has ever taught, not going to pass my exam, that of she could she would pull me out of my exam to save me the embarrassment but it is too late now, that for my dance she would give me a 4 or 5 out of ten after telling everyone else they would be getting 7,8,9s, commenting that even though she can tell I have been putting n weight for some reason probably because I haven't been giving it my all or practicing but that doesn't mean I can't burn it off by jumping, does she know that have a bloody ED!?! I am trying to recovery, not kill myself. I am being healthy! Or trying to, how can she even tell I have been putting on weight if I can barely tell?!? Ugghh it's like calling me fat. I feel terrible. I feel like shit. I feel fat. I feel angry with myself for not being better even though I am trying my best. I feel like the worst dancer ever. I feel like I shouldn't even do my exam, I am now terrified of failing. I feel like I can't dance.  I feel the worst in my class and whole school. Why can't I be better, I practice so much and others don't at all? I don't want to go to ballet ever again, it just feels like I am just embarrassing myself all the time. I don't want to do my exam. I don't want to fail. I am scared. I am upset. She killed me inside. Hurt me so very much. Broke me.
And you can blame her for my new cuts on my ankle.

I hate myself even more for cutting again. Why?? It s so stupid. I thought I was free from it, nope obviously not. I never want to cut ever again. Don't cut it's not worth it. It doesn't help, it makes things worse. And I should know that. I was just so upset. Ugghh it's like I have to start all over again. And I do.

And I have to go to school tomorrow and now my anxiety is worse about it than before. Thanks!! I just don't want to cry in class. And I want to get through my speaking test, that's all. But now it feels near impossible.
Help.


Ahhh i am so sorry!! This was a horrible post, sorry!! I had to get it out of me I am so so sorry!! Sorry!! Please forgive me!!
I hope your day was fantastic!! I love you!! Stay strong!! Trust me I know it's tough.
Good night :) and again sorry
Xoxox :) :)

Update of my day so far

Well nothing really exciting that I am just dying to tell you, pretty average day normal old school... We had a guy come to talk to us about why people do drugs and alcohol from attitude nz and those talks are always so so weird... All of them the sexuality one was by far the worst so far because that was extremely awkward as well as plan weird...
I had my first beach volleyball game after school, and it was really fun!! Not with my normal partner though... Because my best friend and her 'new' best friend stuck together so I got left out again so I am with one of my other friends but we aren't that close... So my best friends partner and my partner decided they were not going to go today as they would prefer to watch tv.., so I got to play with my best friend!! Yay!! And because only 4 teams from our school turned up only 4 teams got put down so the girls that didn't come don't have a team so I have a feeling that it will be those three and I will have to move to another team, like always exclude me the quiet one because 'I don't care.. I am to quiet to care' why is it that I never ever seem to have any real friends?  Think I do but then they find someone 'better' than me and bye bye Livvy. :(
So that is one big mess. Bt otherwise it was s fun, the sand is really fn to drive on and it doesn't hurt like normal courts but t is hardt run in, and the nets are higher so once again I am way to short to touch the top :P on normal nets I can get my hand over the top of the net if I jump so I can spike but on these nets even if I jump I can't even touch the top ;) haha!!
Anyway off to ballet now!! :)

Short and sweet! Or not...

Okay I am going to try and keep this nice and short as it is ten o'clock and I have school tomorrow and I feel really down so I don't want to spread too much negativity, but I have a feeling this post will be so feel free not to read it.

Ugghh I feel sick and anxious and sad and stressed all at the same time and it's really hard but I am aiming to not fall asleep crying again or wake up in the middle of the night crying, when I am anxious like now I get sleep terrors which aren't as bad as they sound well for me anyway pretty horrible for my parents who's room is next door... It's when I scream or cry out and wimper or even cry in my sleep because of some memory or nightmare which scares the hell out of me and I will wake up in the middle of the night after one with my pillow soaked and my face streamed with tears and my throat sore from screaming and often my super worried parents beside my bed, but the thing is people who get them including me don't remember what the dream/image that scared them was so its not so bad like I don't know why I am scared or crying and screaming and that scares me but otherwise I am pretty much okay so I can just wipe my eyes and reassure my parents and go back to sleep. I down like them though, like I want to know what is getting to me and making me upset! Really I can't think of anything that has happened to me that is that bad it could be and it scares me because I don't know what it is and what is happening. Ugh anyway expecting one either tonight or in the coming nights.
And I have so much homework I feel sick because I don't thnk I have time to do it all! I have French hw and my speaking test infront of the class on Friday, super nervous because it is the first one I have had to do infront of the class, as the other ones where when my anxiety was really bad s I wasn't at school for two weeks as I just couldn't do it I was throwing up and spending most of my morning in the councilors office or sick bay feeling crap, the next one I had a permit so I didn't have to talk in class like answer questions and the teachers knew not to ask me anything and I could go out when I wanted when my anxiety got bad so I did it in a separate room with just my best friend who was my partner and my teacher who s super nice and understanding about it all, same with the next couple, then next one I was meant to do it but it kind of ended up with me crying outside the classroom and having a anxiety attack so I didn't do it but this time it IS going to happen!! I mean I did my speak so it can't be worse than that, it's just in French not English and I don't know what questions she will ask me so I can't prepare! That's all...
And I have English hw due tomorrow which I haven't done as I soent all afternoon doing my art and English project which is dur in a few weeks, so I will get up at 5 and do it then, and maths and social hw too and it is only the first week back!! And super stressed because my ballet exam is in ten days  and then school exams in four weeks and ahhhh!!

Tomorrow in science we are dissecting female and male sex organs of a flower... So that will be intresting??! And so I have to find a suitable flower to take tomorrow morning, it's plain weird!!

And now it's almost 11 so Good night!!
Love you guys and thank you for reading my blog!! :) xoxo
Haha this didn't turn out to be short at all!!

Oh and I have beach volleyball tomorrow but we don't know where or when because the teacher running it is away so nervous about that too!! Have to find out what time!! Can't miss our first game!! And we will get disqualified if we just don't turn up and the other team does so Ahhh!!

Anyway not going to cry, so stressed and anxious it's not funny, so good night!!
Xoxox

Anxiety/Panic attacks

^^And don't worry these are all things that can occur, you might have different symptoms all together.^^

And know that these symptoms will go away as attacks will last no longer than 10 minutes at the longest, they cant go on longer, if they do it is more likely you are having another attack after the initial one due to the stress and anxiety of it, but after that it will be it, so tell yourself it can only go on for 2-10 more minutes no longer, you are okay!!

I know they can be really scary but it wont last long and will go away soon enough, just know that you CAN get through them!!

XOXO

Photos from Blenheim!!

So as it is finally my turn on the computer I thought I would post my pictures from Blenheim!!

I do have heaps more but they all have my brother and his team in them and they would rather not be shown online for their own sake and I understand that. So I wont show them even though I would love to show the awesome action shots! But they asked not to so I wont.

But here are the others of beautiful New Zealand country!

 ^These are the fields they played on ^

Haha realized I had a panoramic camera on my phone!! Didnt know until a couple of days ago!

 ^^ my really cute afternoon snack in the lounge before getting on the plane back to Chch

naww the can was so tiny and adorable :)

(oh and don't worry I had a lot more pretzels than that!!)

 More fields

 And all the vinarys that Blenheim/Nelson are famous for

 The beautiful country side 

 ^^Can't forget the sheep!!^^

 ^and this was a really cool little mussel shop, not that I went in, in the middle of no-where!! But it was cutely decorated!!

So they are all my photos from Blenheim I hope you enjoyed!!

So much more I want to say!!

Sorry I am going to write another post because there is sooo much more I wan to talk well wrote about!!

It is just going to be random thoughts again so don't feel you have to read it, I am probably quite boring to you guys?! Am I??
Hope not!! :) haha

Well while we were up in Nelson on our final day we met up with my uncle and aunt who recently moved there from Tazzy in australia. And I found out that my aunt is adopted! I had no idea!! It really shocked me! She is my mums brothers wife, so I don't and wouldn't have any blood relation to her anyway but it still was a suprise, so now i know that two out of my three aunts are adopted!! Wow!! I am so surprised!! My other aunt my dads sister is Korean and was adopted by my grandparents when she was born as they were living in Homg Kong at the time, so I knew she was but my other one too, that was a shock!! Haha I would so laugh if my other one was too!! That would be creepy!!

And guess what? We still have the same old horrible bus driver. Yep even after pretty much the whole bus complained and are always talking about how much they hate her, and I think she does know how much we do! But still late as always... Sigh... And like normal always jolting they bus and tipping it off the side wheels when we go around corners and breaking and missing stops! Yep why can't the company see how bad she is?! On well nothing that hasn't been done can be...

Ahh one hour before I am off to ballet!! My exam is soo close two weeks!! I hope I do well!! Ugghh there is this really annoying fly in my room at the moment and won't go away or fly out the window!! Grr...

Anyway time for tea and them ballet!! What are you having for tea??
Byyyeee!! :) xoxo

Right biiiggg update!

Haha how do I start??
Well today was a tough day. Anxiety just kept flowing through me all day at school, bt like always it is wasn't as bad as  I thought it was going to be, and my anxiety is always worse before I actually get to school but when I do get there it slowly drops off again (on,y to come back at the start of each period again...) but I think tommorow will be a lot better just getting into the routine of school again. Haha I re-read the post I wrote this morning just now and I can't believe that's how anxious I get before school!! I mean really?! But oh well it is getting better.... I mean I'm not throwing up before school any more like I did pretty much every day in term 1 and 2 so I am improving!!

Right blenheim, well nothing overly exciting happened... I was super nervous on the flight over (even though it was only 35min!) because we had to fly along the moutain range up to Blenheim so there was heaps of turbulence all the way and the plane kept dropping and being pushed sideways so that freaked me out heaps! And then a nice long car ride from Nelson airport to Blenheim. We arrived just in time for Rs first game which they won about 6-1 and there next game they won again 12-0  and then we went out to these club rooms and had the buffet there which was just pork roast and veges and I think the best pork roast I had ever had!! And that's all for day one. Day two R played the hardest team in his pool, Nelson royal, who came second overall last year only because they lost on a penalty shoot out and the goaly missed the very last ball, and they lost that 6-1 but it was good because it was the only goal scored against that team in two tournaments so well done them so they came second in their pool so they would play for places 5-8, I am not going to go into details because this is pretty long and boring already, they won the next game then lost to the other Canterbury team in the next game 1-0 and it would of sucked because they scored in the last 30sec so they didn't really have time to get it back, so they came 6th over all!! And surprisingly Nelson came 4th after losing their last two games!! Which was a shock because everyone thought they were going to win before we even got to the tournament !! But it turned out Rs team scoring the first goal against them in ages made them lose their confidence and lost the next two games!!
Food wise I had a pork roast every night!! Haha because they were sooo good and it was the only gf thing we could find!! But that's okay they were good roasts!!

And school today was pretty average, fine apart from anxiety hovering above me all day nothing really exciting happened. Oh I got that math test back, the one I seriously got 1 out of 36 on, and it wasn't as bad as I thought... I didn't get 1, I got 10!!! At first I thought he had just written it wrong!, ;) but nope!! Super happy about that and it wasn't even close to the lowest in the class! Well it was but lots of people were below me on 7,8,9s so it was okay :)

And we had our first volleyball game today too, well were meant too kinda we had a bye today so the season has started but our actual first game will be next Monday! Exciting!! :)   We still don't know when our trainings are, if any so I am a little annoyed about that because the A team is always treated so much better than us and had trainings all through the holidays and knew when theirs are, and then we get told off for not improving when we don't have trainings or a coach that shows up at games! It's so weird playing other schools when they have teachers and coaches and parents coming and transport while the B team (me) usually have to bus as we don't get any notice on when the games are so we can't tell parents until its too late and we usually have no one else there except the team!! Haha the other team always has at least 15 supporters and we have none! But that's how it works I guess we aren't the top team so we don't deserve to have trainings or find out the game times until 30min before they start. Oh well, I can't change it...

And this is now a really long post, sorry!! :) I don't expect you to read it all!! Haha and most of it doesn't make any sense at all!! I will promise to try better next time! :)

How have you all been?? Good I hope!!
Stay string, love ya :)
Xoxo

Welcome back my friend...

Uuhh school today! And I can defiantly say that my friend anxiety has come back. I am so bloody nervous and seriously trying not to throw up. I am going to keep this short because I am not going to start crying again as there has been enough of that this morning all ready. Why does GAD always come on the wrong days!? I mean it could come in the weekends when I can just stay at hme and deal with it, but nope it has to come on the first day back of school!
Sorry I will update later after school about belmhiem etc. but right now I have to leave for my lonely hour walk to school as my friend can't come...again... :(. My friend always cancels on me and her excuse is something like I hurt my ankle yet she still walks to school just without me.. Like I see her either infront or behind me in the way to school?! So I don't know, maybe she just doesn't like me..
Anyway got to go! So have a awesome day at school!!
Love ya and I missed you guys xoxox :) :)
Bye!

Good night, blenheim tomorrow!!

Good night guys :)
Today has been one of those horrible days where everything I put in my mouth tastes disgusting and everytime something touchs my tongue I feel sick and like throwing up. I hate it sooo much, I barely manage to eat all of the tea that was given to me, and if we didn't have my uncle and nana over I wouldn't of. And desert... I know I spent ages on it (it looked really good covered in cream, strawberries and berry sauce) but again if we didn't have people over wouldn't of eaten any of it. I hate it. I don't even know why! Some days everything food related I just can't handle it tastes bad and even the smell makes me sick. Uuhh why??!
And I am off to Blenheim tomorrow, so that's exciting I guess. Even though I won't get to see much of it except the lovely park where Rs soccer tournament is being held... But hey it will be okay, I always love supporting family!! Even though I am getting sick of going to sooo many soccer or futsul tournaments!! Haha :) it will be fun, and hopefully not cold!! Haha I haven't even been to one tournament that has travelled!! I have been on a couple of volleyball ones but they have all been in Chch (where I live) so they don't really count.. And well ballet which is my main sport doesn't have tournaments, because that would be weird, how do you do ballet dance offs??
So yeah, I will be back on Sunday night, the night before school starts again... Ahh anxiety all ready!! But while I am away I don't know if I will have any Internet connection or wifi so if I don't post anything until Sunday night, I am really sorry but please keep reading my blog :) haha I might have to find a cafe or something that has free wifi and sit outside it!!
Ahh also super nervous about the plane tomorrow, I hate flying!! I always get so scared that it will crash or that it won't take off in time and we will go off the end of the runway etc etc.  I know I am just being paranoid but still...

If I don't post again until Sunday (hopefully I can!! :) I hope the rest of your week is amazing and stay strong becaus I know you can do it and I care about you!! Love you xoxo :)
And if I can post well lucky you, you can have a live update of the under 12 south island soccer tournament!! Haha, don't worry I'll try not to! :) just normal me and my posts!
Good night, stay strong, you are perfect!! Xoxoxoxox :)

Strawberry sponge anyone??

Good morning all!!  Last night was fun!! :) As you know I went out to tea with my family and my Nana and Uncle who came out to visit us (and his Dad, my grandfather, who has alzheimer's :( ) all the way from England!! And it was really nice to see him and talk again!! After dinner we took my Uncle to SoYo (frozen yogurt place) and his reaction to it was priceless!! He was soo surprised and amazed by the idea, they obviously don't have them in England!!
Anyway he will be coming over for tea tonight as well, that I am cooking... We are having roast chicken! I am going to do everything except the chicken!! ;) haha I really hate handling meat especially raw meat.. I am the kind of person where steaks have to be char-coaled, any blood I cant eat it and if I find a bone of cooked vein or something like that I instantly get put off it.. Yep thats me!!
So I have to do all the veges boiled and roast and mashed!! And the gravy etc. And I also had to make desert which is of course my favorite part!! So today I mad a strawberry sponge!! I hope to go down to the supermarket later and find some cheap strawberries to go on top, It's half way through spring but strawberries are still really expensive, but it has got strawberry essence through it so it wont matter if I cant find any. And it will be topped with cream!! Hopefully that will hide the bit I kinda over cooked (slightly burned) on top because I was writing this :)

Please ignore the very bad lighting in the oven :)

But the rose soo much!! And I forgot to add the baking powder so I am really surprised!!

The batter was such a pretty colour!!

 And the recipe, hopefully you can read it, sorry it was the clearest I could get it on my phone camera

Okay cupcakes are finally done!!!

47 cupcakes later!! Yay done!! 

Canterbury cupcakes!! Red and black are our city colours and seeings that R is playing for Canty I thought red and black were perfect!! 

Haha I got told off by R because the first batch I iced were "too pink" and "girly" so half of them are pinky red and the other half very red, I had to put in soo much food colouring it cant be healthy!!

 The perfect one..

So yeah one job down!! Off to ballet now!! Then hair cuts, even though I am only getting my fringe cut, and then going out to tea and seeing my uncle and then  my uncle will probably come back home with us for a while so there will probably wont be any more posts today sorry!! Or if there is it will be at around 10:30 - 11 ish !!

I hope your day goes well!! 

Love ya!! :)

Morning plans

Right this morning I have got loads o do!! First things first Get up :p haha
But then I have to ice 47 cupcakes like tiny soccer balls! And I am going to ballet at 11:30 with my friend until 3 when I have a hair cut and then going strait to a Thai restaurant for tea because my uncle has come out to visit from England!! Yay haven't seen him in ages! Oh and somewhere along the way pack for belmhiem! Haha so sorry if there aren't very many posts today! I will be super busy all day!!
So I better get started with it now! Uuhh don't want to get up its soo cold outside and out of bed :)
So I hope you have a lovely day !! Xoxo :)

Nice cold raining morning...

Good morning to you all!
Uuhh it is raining and hailing very hard at the moment, and we have extremely strong winds at the moment too, and are advised to stay inside and weight down trampolines!! One cool thing though is because it is the middle of spring, yes spring I know!? All the blossom is out so the winds are blowing it down and it looks like snow!! :) I know it's not though... I wish it would snow!? It hasn't snowed in two years!! :( and I don't think that it is fair seeings that I had to walk to school in minus 2-6 degrees all winter but we still don't get snow!! The annoying thing is that my window has now got wet blossom petals all over it!! And I am going to have to scrub them off when it is dry again :(  but otherwise I love rain and hail!! I can cuddle up all day in my big track pants and over sized jumpers!! Yay :)
Otherwise I have no plans for today. I was going to go down to the park and practice my ballet for my exam in two weeks!  But I would rather not do that n the rain... And again today I was going to walk down to the supermarket but that plan is gone now too.
Any ideas on what I can do??

Stay warm!! :) and have a lovely day! :)

I am never eating fish and chips again!

My parents couldn't decide what to cook for tea tonight, and I think they couldn't be bothered cooking anything either so we got fish and chips for tea. And I can now say I have eaten fish and chips with no guilty feelings! Yay! But I am never ever eating them again. Ever. Not because I am scared but  a combination of the gluten and oil has made me feel really sick. Uuhh I was finally getting ver my cold but now I just feel like throwing up and my stomach is cramping and I knw it is just a reaction because my face is really itchy and my eyes are all puffy too. Haha I must look so funny!! I wish I wasn't allergic to gluten, I really do because well the fish and chips were really nice but now I feel like this and look terrible because of it, so I don't think I will be eating them ever again, because feeling crap is not fun, but also seems to be my normal sadly.
So now fish and chips is a big no no and I am not making that mistake ever again!! Ever!!

I hope your day went well!! :) how are you guys??
Stay strong you amazing little fighter!! Xoxo :) you can do it!! :)

I made cupcakes!!

Well, as my brother and our family are going up to Blenheim for his soccer tournament he told us today that he needed some home baking to take up with him, for everyone's lunches/snacks etc. And I got the job of making them!! Not that I mind of course!! I love baking!!!

The sad thing is I probably wont get any!! (except for the ones I sneak!!)

I think they look really good!! And I am happy with how they look too!! And they don't even have icing on them yet either!!!

And yes I did make 47!! But they are mini ones!!

 Sprinkle ones!! They look really cool when you bite into them, They have little coloured speckles in them!!

 Haha I don't think eating blue cupcakes is that appealing but they will be eaten by 11 and 12 year old boys!!

 Haha, I ran out of cupcake cases so i had to use baking paper!! Thankfully I only had to do it for five of them!!

 I love how the blue ones look!! ( not that I would eat something blue!! It kind of puts me off it!!)

So yeah, hopefully all the boys like them!! And I think I will keep some, they don't need 47 cupcakes do they??!